Outside of the Box
by RT4ever
Summary: Okay starts from the first few minutes of Designate This different place than the last one I did. ML
1. Chapter One

Okay so I wrote the Max in the box chapter in Moving On to get the thought out of my head. I had needed a place where Max would have thought a lot about Logan and what might happen in the future and of course trapped in the box for a week made perfect sense. Of course then that led to my thinking of the whole Season 2 as a hallucination, I know this has been done before, but waking up stories have always been a favorite of mine.

I don't really know how I feel about this story, I think I like the concept of it more than I like my attempt at writing it. Still I wrote this chapter over a week ago and I can't think of how I'd change it, so I'm posting mostly for the fact that there are waaaay too many MA stories on the board at the moment (Yea I opened a MZ one a few days ago…An ML fan should know better by now. I open to Logan being a pyscho…I am sooo not okay with that). Okay hope you don't hate and if you do please reply and tell me so, so I don't attempt this any further and as always reply if you want to see more of the story. Thanks for giving this a try.

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Outside of the Box

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The light was blinding, her eyes slammed shut in pain as her body fell to the side, into waiting arms. Her senses were being attacked, sounds, smells, the blinding light…There were too many stimuli for her to focus on, everything was just a blur…Her body screamed in pain being forced out of contortion. His name was on her lips to cry out until she remembered where she was thanks to that voice.

"10 days 452, I've got to hand it to you, you lasted almost twice as long as any of the X-series."

Her body was stretched out despite the groans she couldn't keep inside and strapped down.

"State your designation" the voice came over her as others slid needles into her arms to re-hydrate and nourish her.

She forced her eyes to open, the pain was already receding, "X5-452."

"I know you're just playing along" the cold dark eyes said over her, her lips forming a twisted smile that Max was becoming too familiar with. "Doesn't matter"

Max showed no visible signs of emotion as she stared blankly up.

"We've figured out a way to destroy Eyes Only without your help. Send her in." Renfro said stepping back from the gurney to a soldier standing by the door.

Max's eyes fell to the door, she blinked, _she just saw herself walk into the room._

"452, meet 453. She's been watching you." Renfro said leaning over her again, "All those times you thought no one was watching you, as your eyes would fill up with tears." She smiled and titled her head, "You were smart I'll give you that, you'd be amazed at how many people talk to themselves when they think they're alone. You didn't." She shook her head, "You know Deck always said you were the best. You weren't particularly remarkable as a child though…Now…" she shook her head again, "It's a shame we'll never be able to let you out into the field."

Once more Max had to fight herself not to show any signs of emotion, _she was never going to be free._

"453 will do your job for you. Whatever relationship you had with Eyes Only will be his downfall. He'll be so thankful you're alive, until you kill him." she ended with a smile.

No, no, they can't…They don't know Logan is Eyes Only…They won't be able to find him…

"She's being sent Seattle at 0500 hours. Can you imagine him seeing her for the first time? Of course this would have been quicker if you just worked with us a little, but I'm sure within a month they will have somehow found each other…" An unnatural smile formed on her face, "I'll make sure she takes pictures when it's all over, so you can see what poison you really are and know that as he takes his last breath, it will not only be your fault. He'll think you're the one who killed him."

Max's mind couldn't control her body and her eyes grew wide with hate and she flared out against the restraints.

"It's of no use 452, you're ours…Until we have no further use of you that is." Her head turned away from Max to a tech standing nearby.

"Director are you sure? We really should wait until her"

"Now" she snapped

Max watched as the middle aged man approached her with a needle in his hand, she bit back a laugh, how many times were they going to try drugging her, hadn't they already proven it didn't work.

"Come close 453, I want you to watch this."

Max's twin moved to the opposite side of the gurney since the tech was next to Renfro.

Max's eyes moved down in confusion as she realized the tech wasn't going for her arm, he pushed the back of her pants down slightly and she felt the needle going into the top side of her butt. It was over and done within seconds, but Max was still confused.

Renfro's face came into view again, expressionless, "You destroyed our DNA lab Max" she said her name with a bite. "We need something to implant in our surrogates and after all you are the best of the best."

Max's eyes widened again and she took a deep breath trying avoid any further shows of pain.

"See that's what you need to learn to do." she pointed at Max's face to her twin, "It's all in her eyes. He'll believe you if you can do that. You're dismissed." she nodded after a moment of watching.

"Poison Max. That's what you are. Your brother died for you, now your lover is going to. Though thanks to you part of your brother will live on…It's only fitting right after all, he gave up his life so you could live."

"What do you want?"

"Eyes Only for now"

Max remained expressionless.

"That's what I thought. No matter, she will eventually find him or he will find her. He's going to be so happy to see you…You have no idea how much trouble he's become. But this face is going to stop all of that." Renfro's fingers brushed over the side of Max's face.

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**Yea did I mention I had major issues with that whole breeding partner thing? Pregnant x-series, don't work for me.**


	2. Chapter Two

**For those I confused last chapter: **

Okay so apparently I've watched either too many Lifetime or Health Class movies, the injection in the ass….Hormones to stimulate the production of eggs. I had major issues with the fact that they would do the whole breeding partner thing, introducing sex and pregnancy into an X-5's life just doesn't work with me, the hormonal and physical changes in the female and the possibility of intimacy…Yea total issues with it, but I do agree that they would have done something to replace the DNA lab. Removing genetic material and implanting it in surrogates makes sense to me and Renfro would be fully aware of how much that would hurt Max. So in short Max's eggs, Zack's sperm equal new generation of Manticore soldiers.

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**Chapter Two **

**Six days later:**

She lay back on the cot. There wasn't much else for her to do. She paced, she worked out attempting to exhaust herself into a sleep that was still rare.

_She tried not to think._

Not to notice the headaches and the slight nausea that had come with the daily injections, not think about what they were planning. Not think about Logan's smile as he saw 'her' again, not think about how his lips would linger over her twin's, not think about how in the end he really would think she was a monster as she'd always feared even though it wasn't her. Not think about how she'd talked everyone into this plan…Zack was dead because of her, Logan would be soon, someone with half of her genetic makeup would be forced to live the life she despised.

She tried to brush that off, tried not to feel guilty about it. So what if the kid was half her, 453 was identical to her genetically, so was the kid who had put her in here in the first place.

All she could do right now was lay on the cot. Think about how much time he had left. Think about the fact that 47 days ago she had been with him. Less than two months ago, she had been with him. She hadn't thought all those times when she should have run that he was going to be the one to get hurt. Hell, he had needed her around to keep him out of trouble.

Things were different now though, if she'd only just ran. Just left Seattle for awhile, long enough for them to stop looking for her there. She hadn't though, she hadn't wanted to leave him, she'd wanted to make it so they could have their life, together instantly. He was going to pay the price for it now. _Her wanting to be with him was going to kill him._

-o-o-o-o-o-

**Nine days later:**

"How did he know?" The ice blonde said with her back to Max as the door closed. The two X-series that had accompanied her in stood against the door making sure she didn't try anything stupid.

"Ma'am?"

She turned, "Don't start with that 452, we both know it didn't work. 453 hasn't reported in, in four days."

Max ordered the small smile to not creep out.

"He knew. How did he know she wasn't you? You have the exact same genetic makeup." She shook her head trying to figure it out, her DNA and fingerprints were identical and 453 knew how to act, imitate the effects of purposeful forgetting. She knew Eyes Only had experienced it before with 599..._It should have worked._

"I have no idea ma'am"

She spun around and faced the wall again, "Deck…Lydecker's gotta be with him. He could always tell you two apart." She turned around again and cursed, "Dammit that makes no sense. He was heading to Mexico the last time we…" She let out a long sigh, regaining her composure. "We're going to get him 452, I want you to be sure of that."

Max forced her eyes not to close from the blinding pain of the headache the hormone injections caused paired with the constant worry for Logan's safety, she would not waver under Renfro's glare.

"Get her out of here" Renfro said with a nod to the guards who had escorted Max in.

Max allowed the small smile to creep out once the doors shut behind her. This is what she got for doubting Logan, thinking he wouldn't be able to tell some second-rate phony apart from her. At least she hoped he had, she hoped her twin wasn't just biding her time waiting to get more intel before making her move.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three **

Numbers, numbers were all that were going through her head.

6 days since she'd last heard anything about Logan.

10 days since her twin stopped checking in.

20 days since her twin had arrived in Seattle.

56 days since Zack had died, since the last time she saw Logan.

57 days since Tinga died.

58 days since the day she fucked the stupid pizza delivery boy.

She kept counting, trying to piece together her life. The last time she heard one of Sketch's bad jokes, the last time Herbal preached to her. Forcing her mind to construct a timeframe to focus on instead of what was going on around her. She got up to 423 days since she dropped into Logan's life…

She didn't allow her mind to dwell, only briefly remember that gray shirt, _those eyes looking down on her._

8 days before Logan, 431 days ago was the last time Theo had been up and ready to go for work, healthy as can be, each day that followed he'd gotten a little slower.

438 days she took Lil' Bit out for ice cream. Jacinda had told her it was only the third time he'd ever had ice cream. Her mind stopped and dwelled on the little boy, she couldn't force it past. The dark eyes that would brighten, as he'd call out her name when he'd see her. _The way he used to hug her._ They'd moved after Theo, in with her sister on the opposite side of town, she rode over with Herbal once to see them and only once. She couldn't look at them in the eye. Sure, she'd killed Sonrisa, but not in time to save Theo. _She hadn't even tried even though Logan told her…_

"Well that's it we're done."

Max forced her eyes downward to the middle-aged doctor. _He was almost kind._ He saw that she wasn't one of them, but she knew from her early attempts at begging, pleading, and bribing that he wouldn't help her in any real way.

He stood and walked away from her, "We got a nice number."

She was still lying there; she knew they'd wait for the local anesthesia to wear off before they escorted her back to her room, she let her eyes go back up to the lights. 439 or was it 40? Days since she slept with Darren in one last moment of insanity caused by heat. She remembered it had been 9 days before that she'd told him to 'fuckin hell.' _That had been fun, especially compared to this. _

The door opened and she knew who it was without looking and she stopped counting.

"How did our prize girl do?" Max could hear the smirk on Renfro's face.

"14 eggs" was the doctor's reply.

"Only 14?"

"14 is above average."

"By 2" Renfro shook her head, "We got 21 out of 568."

"3 of her eggs weren't viable at all and only 11 have fertilized, who knows how many will implant."

"Well I have a good feeling about 452. Your children will be the future of Manticore." She walked over and smiled coldly to Max.

-o-o-o-o-o-

She lay back on her cot, not feeling at all peachy. She was sore from the procedure the afternoon before and just weak in general from almost two months of this. All those times she'd told Logan she didn't need to be saved, those stupid she wasn't a damsel in distress statements, telling him she didn't need anyone that she was fine on her own? _Yea, she realized she was wrong now. _

He could come charging on a white horse and she wouldn't make one single joke, no attempts at proving herself stronger, hell she wouldn't even yell at him for risking his life to save hers.

_What was going through his mind now? _

Did he figure it was just some last ditch attempt by Manticore to figure out who he was? _Did he still think she was dead? _

She'd died in his arms, so she was guessing that was a yes. The memory wasn't very clear, he was blurry. Through her tears she had seen his.

_She had just wanted to tell him she loved him._

He loved her. She remembered thinking that as he held her. _He loved her_...She had been so blind.

"10 eggs" Max shot up as the voice invaded her thoughts, her private memories that she would never allow to be touched.

"Not bad, 3 in 2 surrogates and 4 in another." The director informed Max, more than willing to share this information with her, after all anything to help crush the young girl. "This is actually much more cost effective, I've got to thank you for that. Each embryo was so expensive to create before that we would only implant one at time, the last thing we could risk were multiple births and destroying an embryo that cost so much was painful to authorize." Renfro's face disappeared from the small opening as she started to walk, "Just think about it in nine months Manticore could have 6 little."

"What do you want?" Max asked coldly cutting her off.

"Nothing you'll give." She started to walk away again, but then returned. "Oh I think I should mention there hasn't been an Eyes Only broadcast in 10 days now." A small chuckle emerged from her throat before she turned and walked away for real.

Max just continued sitting up, blankly staring at the door. _That didn't mean anything…Please don't let it mean anything. _

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Apparently you're not as good as we thought." Renfro said walking into the small cell flanked by two guards.

Max simply continued about her crunches.

"Only one of our surrogates is pregnant."

"And what are the normal rates of success?" Max asked mid-crunch.

"35 percent." Renfro supplied the number. "Hopefully two implanted so it won't be such a waste. Who knows if all three implanted, maybe I'll just risk it. No matter though, next week you're starting back on the progesterone. You will help build me a new army 452. Your brother left enough swimmers for quite a few attempts."

Max continued about her crunches, still acting as if Renfro's words didn't effect her, she knew Renfro just wanted to get a rise out of her. "21 days Max." Renfro shared before she left the room.

Max knew what that meant, but kept moving. 21 days since an Eyes Only report. _It had happened before, he didn't have a legman anymore, it was bound to be difficult to get enough to make a move on anyone._

"Oh and Max" Renfro's face appeared at her door again, "The surrogate was only implanted with XY embryos. Just think a little Zack." She used their names for reason, she used their names to remind her of the outside world, "Don't worry when we bring him here, I'll make sure you get to see him first. Maybe I'll get you a room overlooking the training grounds, you can watch as he goes through his morning routine."

It finally worked, Max froze mid crunch.

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Thanks for reading! No one add up the numbers...I probably messed up, they got annoying.

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	4. Chapter Four

Babyangel: This is a short story on its own, Season 2 has just been a hallucination caused by being in the box for ten days.

**Chapter Four**

**2 days later:**

She was lying in bed thinking about a ball. _Just wishing for a ball._ Anything to do, anything at all. There were only so many crunches a person could do, only so much thinking about the past, the present, the future. She just wanted some mindless entertainment.

"Hey there little sister," Max shot up and looked to the door, a young man with dark hair and blue eyes smiled through the bars, "Feel like getting out of here or what?"

"Zane?"

"The one and only," he smiled again before turning away, "Krit, I got her, bring the keys." He turned back, "That guard's gonna have one hell of a headache tomorrow."

"Hey Maxie" Krit's face appeared behind the bars.

"Krit" she smiled just as his head ducked down to find the right key.

"We got her" she heard Zane's voice say, "We'll head out of here as soon as we get Zack." "Hey Maxie" Zane's face reappeared behind the bars, "Any idea where they're holding that C.O. of ours? Save us some time?"

"He didn't make it."

"Zack's…" He couldn't finish forming the words needed to complete the sentence.

She nodded.

Just then the door swung open, "Well let's get you out of there then" Were Krit's words and she held back hugging them, knowing they didn't have the time for helloes.

"Hey man," Zane said into his mike, "what's the quickest way out of here?" He gestured left with his hand, "Kay we're on our way out."

Max stopped him as she was following them, "The lab, did you hit the lab again?" _She wouldn't let them have anymore of Zack, they had taken enough from him.  
_

Krit turned back and nodded, "She told us." He said softly before turning back to head out.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He turned in his seat as the doors swung open. She froze at the end of the van, just staring at him. That same wild hair, scruffy face, those adorably sexy glasses of his, beads of sweat lined his brow from being trapped in the van in the heat of summer; the fact that it was night didn't do much to cool the air. "Hey" he said softly.

"Hey" she remained frozen.

"Okay hellos later" Krit said lifting/pushing her into the van, "We need to get out of here."

Logan's hand suddenly shot up to his ear and fingers touched the earpiece he'd forgotten about the moment he saw her standing there. "Everyone's in, let's go," he nodded towards Krit who was making his way forward.

"Brin put up much of a fight?" Zane asked as Krit started the van and Max held herself steady by placing a hand on the wall.

"They sedated her without much of a problem. Three of them versus one of her wasn't much of a fight." Logan replied without thought, still just staring at Max.

"Who else is here?" Max found the words to speak again.

"Syl, Jondy and Shea," Zane chuckled, "they got stuck in the van with Lydecker."

"Oh" she spoke softly and nodded, still just staring at Logan sitting before her in a pair of black cargos and a sleeveless navy shirt, she wondered if she should mention he clashed, navy and black weren't supposed to be worn together, _he knew that._

"Are you okay Max?" Logan finally asked, the last thing he'd been expecting was this stunned, silent Max.

She nodded, "I think so."

He stood bracing himself with a hand on the workstation and she rushed forward wrapping her arms around him, he hugged her back and allowed her to steady them both in the moving van.


	5. Chapter Five

RaeRoark: Yea it's all good, I answer back to people in other stories if I know they read them. Okay now the deal with the last chapter of Moving On, they are NOT giving up, they are doing the whole thing with the doctor, but they're saying let's not get our hopes up (yea right) because there's no guarantee that they'll actually get a cure, this is just a shot at it.

Gingersnap: It wasn't my fault, it said and Max must decide between Logan and Zack….I mean honestly who would choose anyone over Logan! That's just insane.

Babyangel: No this is not a dream; I made Season 2 a dream, making this a dream on top of that is just a bit much even for me.

Willow98002 :I am sorry, Renfo is still alive. They busted in, in the middle of the night, she wouldn't have been there (stuff was going on in AJBAC, which is my reasoning for her being there), not to mention it was more of a snatch and grab with a little genetics lab thrown in for fun.

**Thanks to everyone who's reading! I hope you enjoy, it gets kinda choppy in parts (just a warning).**

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**Chapter Five**

The summer sun was starting to rise as he drove back to his apartment. Max's eyes focused on the world outside. Her first glimpses at the real world in just over two months. The dirty streets were bare because of the hour. She knew soon they would fill with all walks of life: those rushing to work, those just hanging out and escaping the confines of their sweltering apartments, the streets would be littered with kids on break from school. They weren't out there now though, _they were just empty._

Hugs had happened, cries of little sister as arms were thrown around her. She was detached though, even though she felt their arms around her, even though she'd spent the drive back with Logan's arm draped across her back and felt her body pressed up against his, even though he was sitting next to her now, she kept waiting to wake up.

_Wake up in that small room. _

So many dreams, so many different dreams, worse was that time in the box, not being able to touch him, not being able to be with him, truly being poison. That hadn't been as bad though as the dreams where he died. She'd had every type of dream imaginable in these past two months. She'd hated falling asleep for that reason, yet she'd pushed herself to the point of exhaustion everyday just to be with him a few minutes sooner, a few minutes longer…

The building approached and they pulled into the garage, she took his hand as they met up at the front of the car and held it through the walk to the elevator and the ride up.

They separated as they entered the apartment, "Do you want something to eat? Drink?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen area.

She shook her head as she walked into the living room, hearing him pour a glass of water as she looked out the window briefly before moving to the couch.

She watched him approach with the tall glass of water in his hand, he smiled, "Sure I got the right one back this time? You're not hungry?" He joked.

She gave a small smile at his attempt at humor.

He watched her for a moment longer, _this shell that she had become_, "You're really starting to scare me here Max." he said sitting down next to her.

She turned and gave him a look, her look, "I'm sorry Logan, I was just dead then brought back to life by my brother killing himself and what followed wasn't exactly a fun filled romp at Disney."

"There's the Max we all know and love." He said with a serious face as he raised a hand up to her cheek.

"Can we stop talking now?" she asked tucking her feet under her body and lowering her head to his shoulder, she'd missed the sound of his voice, but she didn't have the energy or the words to answer his right now. She had questions that she needed answered, but not now_. Right now, this was all she could handle. _

"Not a problem." He said pulling her close to him. "You sure you aren't hungry?"

" Logan?"

"Yea?"

"Shut up." She smiled

He laughed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

An hour later she finally spoke, "You'd tell me if you were hungry or had to use the bathroom right?"

"Finally remembering I'm a mere mortal?" He said with a small smile on his lips.

"Was that a yes?" she laughed turning to him, the reality of it all starting to sink in.

"I'm good." He nodded as he grinned, "You feeling better?"

"Still waiting to wake up." The smile fell from her face and she studied his, "I think I gave you a wrinkle." She faintly touched the small lines at the corners of his eyes emphasized by his lack of sleep.

"I'm amazed I don't have a full head of gray hair by now." He chuckled lightly.

"You lost weight" she traced the lines around his mouth that had deepened as his face thinned out and then a finger along his cheekbones.

"No reason to cook without you here."

"Good thing I'm back" she nodded, moving a finger to trace along his jaw line.

"Max?" he questioned as she started to lean forward.

"Back to the shutting up Logan." She didn't want to explain this, she just wanted to touch him, to feel him again, _even if this was a dream she wanted him._

He smirked as he completed the distance between them. His lips found hers softly.

She was content with that for awhile, lips softly teasing each other as hands roamed other the backs of each other's neck and hair. She tightened her hold on him and shifted her body into a better position as she deepened their kiss. Things heated up quickly, over a year of wanting this, topped of by 2 months of thinking the other was gone for good. He pulled her closer until she was almost completely on top of him, his hands tight on her waist; _he was never letting her go again._

Her back connected with the couch as he moved over her. The world started to close in on her as his lips focused on her neck.

Her hands stilled in their process of pushing up his shirt.

"Max?" he suddenly came aware of the fact she had stopped moving, her short rapid breaths different than those of a few moments before.

"I feel like I'm suffocating." She said rolling him to the side, so they were both lying on their sides and barely fitting on the couch.

"I'm sorry" he apologized.

"Not your fault." She said shaking her head, her breath returning to normal or as close to normal as it could with Logan this close. She shifted him underneath her before they both fell off the couch. She let out a long breath followed by a laugh.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked looking up.

She nodded. "Felt out of control." She said with her breath only slightly unsteady. She bent down to kiss him again.

"Max, we don't need to do this." He held her back, "Not right now."

"I want them off of me Logan. I don't want to feel them anymore. I need you." She'd had no control over her life for two months, _she needed it back._

That weakness in her voice was always his downfall, "I'm right here Max." He raised a hand up to her neck, "I'm right here." He brought her back down to him.

His hands eventually found their way under her shirt again and he started to push it up.

She froze again, but this time for different reasons, "I haven't shaved in two months." She slammed back into reality out of the haze his touch had created.

He said with their lips still touching, "I think I'll survive." He drew her back in for another kiss.

She pulled back, his hands falling away from the hem of the gray tee shirt, he looked up at her in shock; neither could believe she was doing this.

"Max, it's summer in Seattle." They lived in a world were they ran out of toothpaste and deodorant on a regular basis, razors were as rare as gold it sometimes seemed.

She laughed, she couldn't believe she was being so girlie, but this was Logan. _Her first time with Logan_, "Five minutes."

He shook his head, "Max, we don't need to do this right now. You've got to be hungry."

"Five minutes Logan" she hopped off of him, "Five minutes I swear."

H was left sitting on the couch staring at her retreating form; finally, he just smiled and shook his head. He leaned forward and grabbed the glass and took a long swallow of the now warm water before shaking his head again. There was certainly no doubt, he'd gotten the right Max back. He walked over and placed the glass in the sink and opened the fridge door to see what there was to eat.

-o-o-o-o-o-

" Logan" she called out as she stepped into his room, wrapped only in a towel. The urban camo she'd been wearing now residing in the trash. She'd expected him to be waiting for her. She frowned as she headed to the doorway, not hearing him respond. " Logan?" she called out again viewing the empty rooms. Her breath started to grow rapid again, _where was he? _

_Oh dear god please don't let this be happening again. _

She heard a door open and she rushed down the hall and almost toppled Logan leaving the bathroom. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself into him.

"Hey are you okay?" He asked feeling her shake against him as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I came out of the bathroom and you weren't there."

"Mere mortal remember?" He said as he buried his hand in her hair. "That and I figured brushing my teeth would be the kind thing to do."

She laughed; she'd done the same, she felt like an idiot now, but didn't make any effort to move from the safety of his arms. "I can't wake up and you're gone anymore Logan."

"I'm right here Max," he shook his head, "you're right here. How about some breakfast? You've got to be hungry?"

She shook her head against him, "I just want you."


	6. Chapter Six

**Spent a few minutes today looking at old stories of mine and I'd like to share with you I have no idea when I lost my total fluff side and became a realist. That's my explanation for this story. Thanks for reading.**

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**Chapter Six**

He slept beside her. He'd fallen asleep with her in his arms, her face resting above his heart listening to the strong and steady beat. She'd stayed for hours as he slept, just feeling his warmth, the protection that only Logan could offer her. She'd moved into her current position of knees pulled up against her body, resting her cheek on them and watching him not long ago, as she examined all of the physical changes that had occurred over the past two months.

_Funny how long two months could seem. _

Then again, years had seemed to pass in her dreams. That one dream came back to her, that hallucination/dream that had started in the box and followed her out. _Not being able to touch _ _Logan__…_

She wondered what Original Cindy would say about that. What she would say about all of that dream...Being poison to Logan, turning her brother into a monster, bringing Ben back to life in the form of a twin…

Then again she supposed it wasn't really that hard to figure out what that all meant. She was afraid of hurting Logan, convincing herself that maybe it really was best she was locked away and kept from him. Zack was a means to deal with her guilty conscience; after all if he was a monster than him sacrificing his life for hers wasn't that big of a deal. And Ben…that was just that she hadn't wanted to leave her brother in the woods, she hadn't wanted him to be gone, she wanted to keep him with her no matter what, even though he had become a monster, she hadn't wanted to let him go, she loved him regardless.

There was even that giant dog, he was an extension of herself, canine instead of feline that couldn't be hidden as it could most times in her, blatantly standing out, being a freak in the world. Her twin with the name her brother had used…That was easy, she and Zack were no longer separate individuals…And the world hating her, out to get her, looking at her as if she were a freak…Yea that was kinda obvious too.

She tuned away and buried her face into her knees and caught a glimpse of the top of her scar. She raised a hand to it as Logan had done as the towel had fallen.

_He'd become so still at the sight of it, the heat and the passion fell away as he raised a finger up to touch where they'd cracked her ribs. He ran his thumb along it, focusing only on it and not her face or her body, just the scar, his fingers found the small other one, only the faintest trace of the bullet wound remaining. That almost non-existent little scar was all that remained of what took her from him, what had almost taken her from the world. She'd whispered his name, "_ _Logan__" _

_His eyes shot up with his name, the soft green eyes seeing hers, seeing she was still here, he raised a hand up to cup her face. _

_"I love you." She whispered as she'd tried to the last time his hand had been there. _

_He nodded, his eyes still lost in the memory of losing her, "I love you too." _

Her stomach finally grumbled, forcing her away from his exhausted form. She stepped over their clothing as she made her way to his closet, over the boxer briefs she'd ripped clean off of him from under the exo. She'd check later to see if any of her old clothing still remained in the other room, for now she slid her arms into a blue button down and made her way into the kitchen.

-o-o-o-o-o-

She made a face looking into the bare fridge and scrunched up her nose as she pulled out several things well past their expiration date, finding only the ham and Swiss edible. She settled behind the table with the sandwich and realized not for the first time just how surreal this was. Halfway through the sandwich, the phone started to ring and she dove for it not wanting to risk waking Logan.

"Hello?" she said only seconds after the first ring.

There was a moment from silence from the other end and just as Max was about to repeat herself she heard Bling's unsure voice, "Max?"

She smiled at the familiar voice, "Got it on one, guessing that means he hasn't had a bunch of floozies over here while I've been gone."

"Uh"

She laughed silently, never knowing Bling to be at a loss for words, "Our boy's sleeping. He'll explain everything later."

"Uh, so just tell him I called?"

"Will do" she nodded

"Max?"

"Yea?"

"It's really good to have you back." He had no idea how she was back, but he was glad she was.

"Trust me; it's pretty good to be back."

-o-o-o-o-o-

He came awake slowly and aware of one thing, she wasn't there. He knew she was though. He could still feel her hands and her lips all over his body; he could still smell her on the sheets surrounding him. He'd woken up every single day that she was gone and he'd had to remember she was gone. Force his mind to remember she'd died in his arms. She hadn't felt gone though, that feeling that she was still out there had stayed with him.

It was a numbness, a disconnection from what he thought was reality. **She had died.** She had died in his arms. He couldn't get his mind around it though. It was only when he forced himself to think about what that meant…To think about never seeing her again that he would break.

Getting that call from Original Cindy though, hearing that Druid had found 'Max' walking around the streets of Seattle…He'd rushed over to Jam Pony positive she'd come back to him until he saw her face, there had been something missing, he'd known from the first moment it wasn't her.

He wrapped an arm around her and promised Original Cindy he'd keep her safe as he led her out of the building and brought her back to his place. He double-checked as he called her 'sweetheart' handing her tea full of sedatives, she'd looked up at him sweetly and he knew once more it wasn't her.

There was something in her eyes as she awoke to find herself tied up with himself, Krit and Syl watching her. The tears that had glistened in wide eyes, it had been Max. Those eyes, that moment, it was Max, but still in his heart, he knew it wasn't her. The barcode that read her number wasn't hers.

He heard the phone ring, once and only once as he was getting up to slip on some clothing before joining her outside.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"The phone wake you?" she asked as he walked into the room.

He shook his head as he took in the sight of her, not only was she finally back where she belonged, she was in his apartment, sitting behind his table, a sandwich in hand wearing only one of his blue button downs.

"Your fridge is seriously pathetic." She smiled raising the sandwich.

"I'm sorry" he laughed as he opened the fridge. "Figured you'd rather be busted out of Manticore a day early rather than come back to a stocked fridge." He said pulling out the cold cuts.

"Good call" she nodded.

"So who was on the phone?"

"Bling, actually stunned him into silence. Wonder if I'll be able to do that with OC."

"I think she said she dropped a package." He supplied the knowledge of her twin's entrance into their lives, "Druid found her outside a coffee shop on Van Drake and brought her back to Jam Pony."

"Oh" she returned her attention back to her sandwich as he started walking over with hers.

"Do you want to know Max?"

She shook her head, "Not right now. I'm here. That's what matters right? Not what happened in between."

"Max?"

"Later Logan, not now."

He wasn't going to push, not now, a lot had happened in less than twelve hours. He knew the basics, her twin was sent here to kill him and Max had known that, he knew they had been planning on using her eggs to create a future line of soldiers, he couldn't imagine her dealing with that.

They continued to eat in silence before she finally asked, "What happened to her?"

He turned lowering his sandwich and wondered how much he should share, how much she wanted to know. Did she want to know the various attempts he and her siblings had made to get her to talk? Did she want to know the brutal methods Lydecker had succeeded with? The discussion that had followed with what to do with her even though there had only ever been one true way to secure their own safety? How Lydecker had finally and thankfully taken the decision out of their hands? Probably not, so "Lydecker" was all he said, he knew she'd understand.

She just nodded, before saying "We need chips, hurry up and eat so we can go shopping."


	7. Chapter Seven

**Trust me if I could be writing fluff I would be, just like I would get Jessica Alba out of my mind as ** **Nancy**** as I'm trying to write Max (very conflicting characters) if I could. I'm sure fluff will be making an appearance soon or at least I hope it will (I'm a massive fan of fluff). Thanks for reading! **

**Oh and before anyone asks "Moving On" will have a new chapter in a few days, just this chapter has me totally stuck.**

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**Chapter Seven**

She felt guilty dragging him out; it was obvious he was still exhausted. Who knew when the last time he'd gotten a decent night's sleep was, she was pretty sure it hadn't been in the past two days. It was easier though to be out, not sitting in the apartment and being forced to talk.

She didn't want to talk, she wanted to forget.

She didn't want a more in depth reunion with her sibs, she didn't want the bone crushing hugs from OC. _She just wanted to be with him and forget. _

He didn't make a single comment on how her hand was holding on to his for dear life in the crowds. Didn't say anything about the fact that she was allowing him to push through the throngs of people that had gathered in the farmer's market. He just held her when she'd press her body up against his, needing more than the reassurance of his hand. Held her as he waited for his goods or his change without being asked. He asked her simple questions,

_"If I buy artichokes will you eat them?" _

_"Smother them in something and you got it." She smiled and nodded. _

But that was it.

She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't be strong any longer. She'd forced herself to be for two months, but she couldn't anymore. _She needed him and to forget._

She needed him desperately, in a way that made her feelings two months ago seem like nothing. Vertes hadn't prepared her this, not in the least.

She knew she was hanging on by a thread…_Just waiting to collapse_. She knew he'd be there for her, but she couldn't let it happen. She wasn't sure she'd be able to put herself back together.

"You want to try that little market over on 3rd?"

"The one that funny old Italian guy owns." She smiled and asked, she always liked that guy and he'd always liked her.

"Yea, they'll probably have the chips you like."

"That's because they charge three times the price." Goods were bound to stay on the shelves when made out of reach for the masses.

"Only double" he smiled

-o-o-o-o-o-

She was still smiling as she walked back into the apartment and dropped the bags she'd been carrying up on the counter. It had kinda been nice to be gushed over. She used to stop in at the small market all the time on the way to and from Logan's apartment for junk food and she'd go in every once in awhile with Logan.

"What did you tell Luigi about me?" She asked as she handed him the milk as he was in front of the fridge putting away the groceries.

He looked up confused.

"He said _when this one told me you were gone_." She frowned remembering his words, which could have sounded like she was dead except for the fact that he had greeted her with open arms and not like a ghost.

"That you were gone. That something came up with your family." He said adjusting the groceries in the fridge. _That had been the truth hadn't it?_ That's what he'd told himself at least. He hadn't been able to form the words _'She's dead.'_ He'd said them alright, over and over to himself, forcing his mind to accept it, but saying the words to others, seeing their faces…

She didn't allow her mind to dwell on that too long, she understood though in a way no one else would ever be able to. She moved on, making light of it as she often did, "Guess that'll make trying to get my job back easier."

"Oh no, they thought you were dead." He chuckled, " Normal cried out 'Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph' when he saw her. I think Sketchy," he paused and made a face saying the name, things like that didn't just flow off his tongue, "pushed his bike into someone named Sky. And by the time I got there Herbal was still preaching something about Jah knows what Jah's doing and Jah would never take the just unjustly?" He ended with a confused look on his face trying to remember Herbal's words.

Her twin, _she'd almost forgotten_, "So does this mean I have a job come Monday?"

His eyes focused on her, "Max that's three days away"

"Normal routine…Should be good for me." She shrugged

"You should probably call Original Cindy?"

"Tomorrow" she nodded, it might be inevitable that she had to deal with all that stuff, but it didn't mean she couldn't put it off just a little longer.

He opened his mouth to speak.

"24 hours Logan, is that asking so much? Can't we just hide out for a little while? Watch mindless tv? You can fill me in on what sleazy politician did what this summer? Tell me what happened in the drama that is the Cale family? JJ's wife catch him with another nanny?" she ended with a smile.

He laughed, "No, but Aunt Margo latched onto my uncle's golf buddy, my goddaughter, Brittany got expelled from her school for smoking weed on school grounds."

"Isn't she like 5?"

"I thought so too," he laughed. "Apparently they continue to age even when you don't see them, she's 13."

"She's 13 and she's smoking up?"

He shook his head in shocked agreement.

"So what else?" she laughed.

"I think that might be it." He thought about it for a moment, "Oh Bennett and Marianne are having a baby around Christmas."

She froze for the briefest of moments and hoped he didn't notice, "Really, that's quick."

"Yea I think they've been trying since they got married. Did you want the salmon or the steak tonight?" He said with his attention returned back to the fridge and the two white packages lying on the shelf, he should put the fish in the freezer if they weren't going to eat it tonight.

"Either" she said with a shake of her head.

He shut the door and turned back to her.

She laughed as she caught the look in his eye, _who was this agreeable, non-opinionated person before him, _"A few weeks Logan." She raised up and kissed him, she'd gotten over everything else that had happened in her life, she knew she'd get over this too.

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**Hmmm yea, think this chapter was a little off. My bad, I'll try better next time.**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Thanks for reading guys! I'm glad you seem to be enjoying.  
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**Chapter Eight **

"You know," she began as she ran the washcloth along his calf, "might never had a bath with a guy before, but I'm pretty sure yawning isn't a good sign." She looked up in time to see a smile try to overtake the yawn without success.

He laughed and ran a hand over the already slicked back wet hair, "Might help if I could feel what you're doing."

"Forgive me for trying to be thorough." She smiled and slid the washcloth up further quickly.

He grinned brightly and she laughed as his hands attached themselves to her waist and pulled her on top of him.

"We're never going to get clean this way." She remained smiling as she ran her hands over the back of his neck looking into his eyes that had suddenly come alive again.

His smile fell into a more serious look as his eyes gleamed, "Clean isn't exactly what I have in my mind."

-o-o-o-o-o-

The doorbell buzzed and Max stifled a curse as she lay curled into Logan's side once more. He barely stirred at the noise and only made a slight attempt at holding on to her as she extricated herself from his arm.

She slid out from the sheets once more dressed in the long blue button down, her hair still damp from the bath and made her way to the door before they could buzz again.

"Syl" she said in hushed tones seeing her sister standing out in the doorway.

"Why are you whispering?" She asked walking in as Max moved to the side.

"Logan's asleep."

Her sister made a face, "It's not even ten." She'd known Logan for two months now, she'd never known him to be asleep before two.

Max smiled at the response, they'd actually been in bed since 8, they'd had dinner at 5, she felt like a school kid, "He's exhausted."

"Oh" her sister shook her head, "I just wanted to bring you your bike." She said extending the keys, "Didn't think sneaking into the apartment was a good idea at the moment." She'd contemplating just slipping into the apartment while they were asleep to give them the space she knew they wanted, but with Max's sleeping habits and her currently on edge state, she'd decided against it.

"My bike?" she asked confused as she took the keys, she'd left her bike by the warehouse Tinga had been held in, it hadn't been safe to go back, nor had she had the time.

"I went by and picked it up the next day. Couldn't just leave it there for some little twerp to take."

"Thanks" Max nodded and looked down at the key in her hand.

Syl smiled, "Be glad I took your bike. Zack's is a little worse for the wear after two months of Krit's stunts."

She smiled, hid the pain of having to hear Zack's name being said aloud.

"So are you going to be up for company tomorrow? Jondy and Shea are taking off. Mind if I get a drink?" She asked as she was already walking into the kitchen.

"No," Max shook her head and watched her sister move with ease in Logan's kitchen, "go right ahead."

"Thanks" she smiled as she pulled out the juice.

"So what about the rest of you guys?"

Syl shook her head, "I don't know about Lydecker, but Zane should be gone in a few days. Krit and I will probably be around for at least a few more months. Once you get used to the rain, this is a pretty decent place."

"You're living here?"

"Yea we've been crashing at one of Logan's safe houses since…" She just nodded instead of finishing.

They both grew silent, but after a few moments Syl finally had to ask what had been on everyone's mind since they'd found out Zack was gone, "Do you know what happened to….I mean how'd he…"

Max knew she owed the answer to her sister, to all of her sibs, "They couldn't…" she shook her head, "I was dead. I should still be dead."

"What are you saying Max?"

"Zack did what we always knew he'd do. I was dead, they couldn't save me." She swallowed hard; she couldn't remain cold and impassive, "Not without a new heart."

"Zack.." Syl couldn't find the words, her eyes just fell to the spot beneath Logan's shirt where their brother's heart now rested in their sister.

Max nodded.

Tears welled up in Syl's eyes, "That big brother of ours…" she gave a watery smile. "You know I should probably go otherwise Krit's gonna come up looking for me. Come by tomorrow? I don't think you want all of us invading on you here."

Max nodded, "I've got wheels now." She dangled the keys, "I'll be over."

-o-o-o-o-o-

She walked her sister to the door and hugged her; she started walking back towards the room as Logan emerged from the office in his chair.

From the expression on his face, she knew he'd overheard, "Yea,"she nodded.

He nodded, "I'm sorry."

She nodded, "Me too."

She started to walk past him and into the room as he reached up a hand to grab her, "It's not your fault Max, he loved you."

"I wanted to go Logan; I had to talk him into it. He was captured because of my stupid plan and then he…" Tears welled up in her eyes. "I might as well put the gun to him myself."

"Max it's not your fault." He held tight onto her as he looked up at her.

"Yea it is." She shook her head, "And that's just something I have to live with."

"Max, you didn't force anyone into this."

"My plan and I got my brother killed," she said forcefully, "I almost got you killed."

"Max"

"No more." She shook her head, "I don't want to deal with this anymore. It's all I've done for two months. Can we please just go back to bed?"

The somber tone in her voice caused him to drop his hand from her arm and he nodded and followed her into the room.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine **

" Logan" she cried out as she shot up in the cot. She scanned the cold, blank walls over and over, searching.

"He's not here 452," the director's chillingly sadistic voice filled the room and Max saw the empty eyes looking in on her, "I told you we'd get him and we did."

She just remained staring at the door, captivated by the voice and those eyes.

"Such a shame really. He was really quite brilliant, a waste just like you. So much potential that will never be realized."

"No" she said softly shaking her head.

"Yes" Renfro's smile was obvious in her eyes as she nodded. "Poison Max. How many times must I tell you that? Everything you touch whithers and dies." Her face turned away, "Open this door."

She walked in, immaculate as always, but it wasn't the perfect hair or dress that held Max's attention. It was the small bundle wrapped in gray, small and unmoving, but undeniably there.

"I told you I'd bring him by when we got him." She shifted the baby up in her arms, the fair skin, the blonde traces of hair, lids that started to lift to reveal blue eyes.

She swallowed hard.

"Of course look is all you'll ever be allowed to do, after all you're poison. Your brother and your lover are dead…Your son though." Renfro made a smiling face at the baby she lifted close to her, "He'll be fine. He'll be one of us as you once were." She smiled again as she left the room.

The baby started to cry and Max shot up out of bed and ran to the door that had already been closed. She could only make out Renfro's retreating form as the cry grew fainter and fainter.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Max"

Her eyes started to open.

"Max" he shook her again.

Her eyes connected with those over hers. His eyes. _He was here. _She shot up and wrapped her arms around him, almost knocking him over in the process.

"It's alright Max," he soothed as he rubbed a hand over her back, "you're here. Everything's fine."

She nodded roughly into his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head.

"Max it might help."

She pulled back and wiped away her tears with the back of her head, "Talking won't help. They didn't go away before." _Eleven years had passed and she'd always felt like it had only been yesterday. _"I need water," she said getting out of bed before he could stop her.

"Max" he called out after her. She didn't reply, he fell back against the pillows with a groan and an arm over his face. He had absolutely no idea how to help her.

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**Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter Ten

**Willow**, thanks for reading Duck first of all (and I hope you didn't really miss your bus after reading Remnants). Yes, that was the end of Duck. Alec was watching Max because he was curious, he felt connected to her. He ended up in the same city that she was in, he didn't actively seek her out at first, he kind of stumbled across her. Then it was curiosity that made him keep coming back and seeing what she was up to. He was stalking/watching her because he saw Zack with her and he knew that Manticore had been up to something with Zack, so he was watching Max to make sure she stayed safe. I hope I answered your question fully and I really hope you're still reading this story so you know the answer to the other story.

Wow **Bob**, my little fluffernutter, so insightful with this story. I think your reviews are turning out better than the story.

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**Chapter Ten **

Max made her way into her apartment; it was early still, 9am on a Saturday, so she wasn't surprised to find the apartment completely still. She was surprised however to find full garbage bags littering the living room floor. "What the hell?" She softly asked herself looking around the apartment. She stepped over a few bags making her way to her room, if it was still her room after being dead for almost 9, no wait, 6 weeks. Cindy had known 453 wasn't her though, she had allowed Logan to tell her that much.

"Kendra?" Max asked in shock viewing the blonde passed out almost sideways on her bed, in the middle of what had once been her clean and orderly room, which now had boxes of her things halfway packed up on the floor and Kendra's clothing scattered about.

"Max," her old roommate said not even opening her eyes, "go away. Just because you don't need sleep doesn't mean the rest of don't."

A small smile grew on Max's lips as Kendra's eyes suddenly opened and widened as her words passed through her sleep addled brain, her eyes focused on Max's standing before her, "Hi" she smiled brightly at her friend's reaction.

"Oh god Max"

Max laughed as her friend struggled out of the sheets and fumbled towards her, "You're home, you're okay." She said holding tightly onto her. "You're really okay, they weren't lying."

"Holy shit boo, you really went and did it." Max turned back with Kendra holding onto her to Cindy's calm words a few moments later and smiled gently knowing her friend knew the truth unlike Kendra. "Got some room in there for me?"

Kendra and Max both laughed and opened an arm apiece to allow Original Cindy into their circle.

It was some time later before Max finally asked, "So what happened to Mr. Multiples?"

Original Cindy laughed, "Walter found her with Mr. Six Pack."

"Pablo" Kendra sighed happily.

"I thought you and Walter had this deep connection?" Max smirked.

"And Pablo had the world's most perfect abs and"

Original Cindy cut her off, "Okay, enough info."

"Can we stop hugging yet? My arms are getting kinda tired?" Max asked in a childlike tone.

They all laughed as they separated, "Let me get a look at you girl" Original Cindy said holding Max at arms length. Out of all the comments Max expected the one that came out of Original Cindy's mouth was not one of them, she turned to Kendra, "She's had sex."

A blush kept along Max's cheeks.

"About time." Kendra laughed, "Tell us about it over breakfast."

Max smiled and followed her friends out of the room; she could eat twice this morning.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey nice digs," Max called out walking into Syl and Krit's place, into the living room where Logan, Syl, Zane, Shea and Jondy were all gathered, she turned to Logan, "how come I got that scheevy dump with Bruno?"

"Because Bruno tried to kill me twice?" Logan replied with raised eyebrows, "put a bullet in my back?"

Max smirked, "Oh right." She looked around the room again, "So where's Krit?"

"Guard duty on Brin" Syl answered standing, "Want something to drink?"

_Brin, _she'd almost forgotten Brin in all of this "Nah I'm good, I just ate."

"We ate almost four hours ago" Logan said looking down at his watch.

"Couldn't pass up breakfast with my girls now could I?" she smiled, "How's Brin doing?"

It was Shea's turn to answer, her brother with the sandy hair and soft brown eyes, "Lydecker thinks he's making progress."

"Yea," Jondy said with an unbelieving shake of her head, "he swears it's okay for us to leave."

"I'm gonna stick around for awhile," Zane tried to reassure his sister, "You guys need to get home while you still have a job and Shea still has a girlfriend."

"Family emergency isn't working any longer," Shea explained to Max.

"Ah" she said nodding her head and moved across the room into settle into a chair Syl had vacated.

Syl returned to the quiet room a few minutes later, "This place is about as lively as a morgue." She said looking around the room, "Let's bash that Daddy Dearest of ours."

"Please don't use that man and the word Daddy in the same sentence" Jondy's eyes evilly swayed over to her sister, resulting in a few chuckles in the room.

Logan's eyes kept returning to Max as she bs-ed with her sibs, laughing and smiling as normal. He grinned watching her fall forward laughing over a story of Zane's dog, Shep running off with Lydecker's shoe, of course that was after Jondy had rubbed ground meat all over it.

"Real mature," she laughed.

"You're just sad you didn't think of it first," Jondy replied as only a younger sibling could.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Can I stay here for awhile?" She asked Logan later that night in his living room.

He looked up from the file he was looking over as she munched on chips.

When he didn't say anything, she started, "Walter and Kendra didn't work out so…"

"Yea, no." He shook his head, "You know…" He stopped and gathered his thoughts for a brief moment before he rambled anymore, "As long as you want to be here Max, I want you here."

She nodded, instead of speaking, "Feel like driving me over tomorrow to pick up some of my things?"

"Sure."

"Thanks"


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Friday had come, Friday afternoon to be specific, the end of the work-week and she had been home for over a week.

_She still felt like the fraud. _

If not a fraud then it felt like she was living in a dream. Always slightly detached from everything unless she was in Logan's arms. At work, hanging out with her friends or sibs, even just watching tv with Logan she felt like a phony. Only in bed as all rational thoughts were kicked out of her mind did she feel real again. The feeling would return quickly, even though she'd lay with her head over his heart trying to hold onto that connection.

It was fading though, the dreamlike quality of her life, the laughter, the anger it was becoming her own again. It was just slow coming. _Incredibly slow. _

They all saw it and they didn't mention it.

To most she was pretty sure she could hiding it, at least most time, not Logan or OC though. They were letting it slide for now.

"So Normal's back to normal" she announced her presence in the apartment and headed over to him, like normal he was behind his computer.

"What he'd do?" he smiled looking over.

"A package," she paused for dramatic effect, "two minutes before closing."

He smiled and knew she liked being treated without the kid gloves again.

"So stop doing work." She said lowering herself to his lap.

"Mmmm" he murmured as she caught his lips, "I would, but you have to go to Lydecker's."

She pulled back, "Please tell me that's a joke."

"Someone has to be with Brin at all times."

"Where are"

"Zane's out of town trying to find something or someone for Lydecker, I didn't ask. Krit and Syl are both still at work."

Max frowned and hopped off of Logan, she was being a brat and she was aware of it. No reason why she shouldn't be pulling her own weight with her family, especially after all they'd done for her.

-o-o-o-o-o-

The awkward silence accompanied Lydecker and Max into the room in which Brin was being held in the warehouse, her normal retorts missing leading to this silence.

"So how's she doing?" Max asked seeing her sister strapped down.

"She's coming along. We just finished a session."

"Are you drugging her?" Max asked walking over to her sister's unmoving form.

"It's the aftereffects of the session. She's only sedated at night."

"Oh" Max said brushing back her sister's hair, it was greasy; she and Syl would have to come out to clean her up.

"So how are you doing Max?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Max's eyes connected up to Lydecker's, "I'm fine" she said more forcefully.

"He's worried about you."

Anger started to seep through her, if Logan had been talking to Lydecker about her, she was going to kill him, "He told you that?"

"Doesn't need to Max."

"Well I'm fine, no reason to worry." she replied with attitude.

"No believes that, not even you."

"Fine," she corrected her words, "I will be fine."

"Zack was a soldier Max, more than that he was your C.O. He knew what he was doing."

"He was my brother."

"Then you know why"

"Didn't you need to go out? Isn't that why I'm here?"

"Okay Max." he said simply, "I was just trying to help."

"Well you're not." She snapped at him. _What the hell was up with this guy?_

"No one will understand like I will."

"That's because you're one of them" her eyes shot around to Brin.

"You're stronger than her Max." He said ignoring her Manticore jibe.

"Why are you pushing?" she let out a harsh breath, "I'm just gonna go. It's obvious you don't have any"

He cut her off, awareness hitting him, "Were we in time Max?"

Her breath stilled and she stopped moving towards the door, "What do you mean?"

"Renfro would have rubbed it in your face. Told you everything that was going on. Use everything in her power to break you."

"You would know."

He ignored her again and moved towards the facts, "When did it happen?"

"3 weeks."

"I'm sorry"

"Just DNA" she answered coldly and looked around the room he'd probably killed her clone in.

"Maybe they"

She cut him off before he tried to offer false hope, "One surrogate, male embryos. Apparently we made the process more cost effective. Great plan Deck." She said with a shake of her head.

"Max"

The sympathy in his voice of all voices made her want to vomit; "If you tell," she stopped herself from saying Logan's name in front of Brin, "I will kill you. I will be the monster you raised me to be. Are you going or am I?'

"Alright" Lydecker said with nod of his head. "Don't let her out of those restraints no matter what she says."

She nodded.

"Max"

"Leave" she said firmly and he did.

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**Thanks for reading! I hope you're enjoying.  
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	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter 12 **

_Christmas Eve 2020 _

She watched him pack; with his back to her, he was seemingly unaware she was watching him. The holidays made most people take stock of everything they had to be thankful for, she was no exception to that rule, but she realized everyday how lucky she was. She had somehow managed to end up with more than she'd ever imagined, _more than she deserved. _

"I know you're there Max" he said before he turned.

She laughed and walked into the room, throwing the bag she was carrying on the bed. "You're already dressed." She said raising up to kiss him hello. He was dressed in black slacks and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the top.

"Almost" he said holding her closer for a few seconds longer.

"How long do I have?" she asked stepping out of his embrace and making her way over to the closet.

"Half hour?"

She pouted looking into the closet.

He laughed walking up behind her, "You can always skip out. I wouldn't blame you."

She laughed leaning back into his embrace, "You put up with my family year round, I can survive yours a few nights a year. Is maroon too holiday-ish?" She asked looking into the closet at one of the seven dresses she owned.

"I'm wearing a maroon tie."

"So black it is" she smiled pulling out a different dress.

He chuckled as she turned to him.

"How long do we have to stay?" she asked

"Hour, hour and a half, not too long….You sure you want to leave tonight?"

"You're not getting out of this Logan." What he wasn't getting out of was her Christmas present from him, after Logan admitted weeks ago lying in bed at night that he had no idea what to get her since her bike was in working order. She'd laughed and admitted the same, his birthday the month before had killed her. She'd tried doing the ultra perfect girlfriend thing of an ultra romantic dinner, of course she over estimated her culinary abilities and they ended up with some pretty salty pasta.

Her Christmas gift was a week away from it all, the laptop and cell phone were going to remain in the car unless Bling or Krit (who had taken a liking to this Eyes Only stuff during her absence), called hers. They were going to the cabin as soon as they were done schmoozing at the Cale-Prescott Mansion, which actually made the old house look much like her old place compared to Logan's. She was definitely getting the better gift since all she had to give Logan was a leather-bound journal, for all of his lyrical musings which still made him blush when she'd read them. Of course, he'd told her not only for his birthday, but for Christmas and any other holiday that followed that he didn't need a gift because he had her. _Once more reminding her just how damn lucky she was. _

He chuckled, "I wasn't trying to, I just want to be sure you want to spend Christmas away from everyone."

"I see them year round." She smiled as she walked across the room to her dresser, "You know if you keep trying to get out of this, I'm gonna actually give you Kendra and OC's gift."

He lowered his eyebrows in thought, "They gave me a gift."

"They did give you a gift," she laughed draping the dress across the bed, "but I'm talking about their gift to me." She laughed at his confused expression as she dug in the bag for the gift, she pulled out a red velvet g-string with puffs of white fur on the pouch.

His mouth slightly opened, "They want me to wear that?"

She shook her head and laughed again looking at it, "Yea, I don't think I'd ever be able to look you in the eye again, let alone…"

His eyes finally disengaged from the horror she held in her hands, he loved her, he would do anything she asked of him, but wow was he thankful they both agreed about that monstrosity. "Wait," he said suddenly remembering she said they'd given him a gift, _if they'd given that to her…_ "If that was your gift…What's mine?" He said with an already pleased smile.

"You just have to wait for the cabin and lie to OC and Kendra otherwise I'm going to tell people you wore this" she said shooting the g-string across the room at him, there was no way she'd allow her friends to know she'd worn that bouncy little red number they'd gotten her, the hat as definitely staying off though.

He caught it and looked down at it and laughed again, "I'm gonna finish packing now."

"Knew you'd come around to my way of thinking." She smiled as she moved her attention back to getting dressed.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"You have everything" Max sighed as she watched Logan looking anxiously over his desk.

"I know" he nodded and quickly walked away. _He'd give it up for her, he knew that._ He would sacrifice the world to make her happy; one week away wasn't asking so much. He still worried about her, worried about the time she'd spent away, worried about the things they'd done to her that she swore didn't matter. Physical, mental torture, but she swore she was fine and most of the time he believed her. She'd come around, come back to her old self, though more mature, if that was the word, a little less quick to joke, but mostly the old Max. You couldn't escape things like that, they haunted you forever and it was unfair of him of any of them to ask her to try to be the exact person she had been. _Sometimes it worried him just how okay she seemed._

He smiled at her hovering in the doorway, the long black dress jacket already covering the black dress than landed just past her knees. She would stand out, she always did. Her beauty was intensified by the simplicity of her dress, the casual upswept hair, the light makeup. She didn't need the gaudy cocktail dress, the hours spent in the hairdresser's chair, the caked on makeup that made all the other women feel beautiful. Though he hoped she wouldn't hate the necklace he'd bought her anyway since a week at the cabin didn't feel like enough of a gift. She'd sworn she was open to wearing jewelry, he was going to be finding out soon if that was true. Material things didn't matter to her, but he knew she didn't hate them. A single solitaire, simple, perfect and blindingly beautiful just like her and one day when she was ready it would go perfectly with the ring his mother had left to him.

He walked out into the hallway and slipped into the black coat before picking up his weekend and laptop bags.

"These too?" Max asked raising up the wine bottle and small present.

"Yea" he said reaching out to grab them.

"I got them" she said shaking her head and walked out the door as he closed the lights.

"I didn't know you were getting anything for your aunt" Max said looking down at the small golden package as they waited for the elevator.

"It's not for her, it's for Noelle."

Max looked over in shock, Noelle, Bennett and Marianne's daughter, she'd been born just three days before. Max had somehow managed to avoid having to go see her in the hospital, okay she'd lied and told Logan Kendra was having a crisis and backing out of their plans at the last minute. "They're going to be there?"

"Yea" Logan said adjusting his tie, "Aunt Margo guilted them into spending the holidays with her and Prescott."

"Oh" Max said dropping her gaze back over the closed elevator doors.

"It's one of those baby's first Christmas ornaments." He'd gotten it since she'd arrived two weeks early and the last thing his cousin or his wife had was time to go out and buy those things and he doubted his aunt would have remembered something so trivial, in the midst of planning her first party as Mrs. Jonathan Prescott, wife of the newspaper mogul.

"Oh that's cute. I'm sure Marianne will love it."

-o-o-o-o-o-

She watched Logan trying to casually look at his watch as his faux uncle tried to talk him into going back to work full-time since he'd been freelancing quite a bit anyway in the past few months.

"Now Max," Prescott said as Max approached, "wouldn't you like Logan out of the house during business hours."

"Doesn't really matter to me Pres, I'm at work." She smiled knowing she'd just made Logan's fight harder, but it was kinda funny. Especially since his real uncle had referred to his work as those 'little articles of his' and his faux uncle openly praised him to anyone who would listen, she liked the guy who thought Logan was as brilliant as Max did and he didn't even know the half of it.

" Logan, you're making Max work." He chastised.

"Oh no," Logan said cutting him off, "I don't make Max do anything, no one does."

Prescott looked over to Max and a grin emerged on his face as he nodded, "I have a feeling you're right about that one son."

"We should really be going Prescott; it's a long drive out to the cabin, especially at night." Logan said.

He made a face, "Why don't you just go in the morning? These roads aren't safe at night anymore."

"I know, I wrote that article two months ago. We'll be fine; we want to make it out in time for midnight mass."

"Drive slowly" he said conceding, "Do you have a gun?"

Logan laughed and Max frowned, "Underneath the seat. We'll be fine. Merry Christmas Pres" Logan went to extend his hand and was instead pulled into a hug.

"We're family now Logan." He patted him on the back before releasing him and turning to Max, "You watch him Max. I know this boy and speed."

She smiled as he took her in for a hug, "I will, you have a good Christmas."

"You too."

Marianne overhearing their conversation walked up to them in an empire waist forest green dress designed to conceal the post-pregnancy weight, "You guys cannot be leaving yet, you haven't seen Noelle, Max."

Max opened her mouth trying to figure out how to get out of this, but realized from the expression on the other woman's face that would be impossible without hurting her feelings, "Lead the way" she smiled brightly.

-o-o-o-o-o-

"Is she awake?" Marianne asked the nanny walking into the nursery.

The nanny turned and smiled holding out the little girl, dressed in red pajamas.

Marianne approached her with the infant.

"She's beautiful" Max smiled, barely glancing down at the newborn Marianne was so captivated by.

"Here" Marianne said going to hand over the baby to Max, "Hold her."

"No really, that's okay." Max took an involuntary step back

"She's not going to break Max," Marianne said coming closer and slipping the baby into Max's arms before she could refuse again.

"Isn't she perfect?" Marianne said stroking her daughter's cheek as Max did everything in her power to not look down, to not think about the weight in her arms.

"Beautiful" Max said glancing down briefly, "We should really be going." She nodded and handed the baby off to her mother again.

" Logan aren't you going to say goodbye to your niece?" Marianne asked Logan who was standing silently in the doorway having been stopped for a brief moment as the women had gone on ahead.

He nodded and walked over and stroked her cheek with his finger, "Merry Christmas Noelle." He looked up and smiled at Marianne, "You too," he said as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Merry Christmas Mar" Max said as she turned to leave.

"You too Max" Marianne called out while as her attention returned to her daughter.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Logan was eerily silent as the waited for the car to be brought around and as he slid into the seat and started to drive.

Max looked ahead nervously and prayed Logan wasn't as observant as she thought he was.

"That's what was wrong." He finally said. "It wasn't Zack."

She thought about denying it, but she didn't want to lie to him, not to mention she was pretty sure he wouldn't believe her.

"Am I right Max?" he asked glancing over at her.

She nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked as his heart was being torn in two with the thought of her hurting like that. Seeing her with Noelle it had suddenly all made sense, she hadn't been able to look at the child, she'd done everything in her power to avoid seeing her, talking about her, he just hadn't paid enough attention before.

"What's the point? It was over and done with Logan." She said coldly looking out onto the night sky.

"Max, I could"

She turned and cut him off, "What could you do Logan? Go into Manticore in a few years and perform a DNA test on every little boy there?"

He froze looking dead ahead absorbing her words, "A boy?" he finally asked turning to her for a second.

Max closed her eyes and stated the facts, "Only XY embryos implanted in the surrogate."

"How many?" he asked, it was in his nature, he'd spent too many years of his life searching out the details.

" Logan" she began and he just turned, "3. 10 eggs, 3 surrogates, it only worked in one." She turned and watched him looking dead ahead at the road, watched as he struggled to digest the information; she saw the pain in his eyes that she knew was for her. "There is nothing you can do Logan. It's just DNA, trust me more than a few people out there have my DNA."

"Three." He nodded, "Well only two now." He turned to her, "Lydecker's a fountain of information."

"It doesn't matter Logan, just let it go."

"How do you expect"

She cut him off angrily, "Because I did. It kills me to think that any innocent child is going to be raised that way and let alone someone…" she shook her head. "I can't keep thinking about it Logan. I can't do anything to change it and neither can you."

"Max, I could"

"What could you do? This isn't going to be in any of the information you'd be able to hack into. Please Logan." She looked over at him with wide eyes.

He looked over at her and nodded.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He held her tighter as the little children placed the plastic baby Jesus into the cradle resting in the manger. He'd double checked in the cabin to make sure she wanted to attend the service, but she'd just nodded and raised herself up for a kiss and told him she had a lot to be thankful for. He couldn't imagine what she was going through, then again the thought of her child, someone sharing her blood being out there, being raised in that cold environment and what it was doing to her was probably a hell of a lot worse than if someone had taken a piece of him. He didn't know how, but he would find him.

She would kill him for going to Lydecker, but he had no choice. There was no way he was letting Manticore do this to her. He wouldn't rest until he found that little boy or boys_. There was no way he'd let them have any part of her._

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Thanks for reading guys. _


	13. Chapter Thirteen

_Willow__: Max didn't tell _ _Logan__ about the embryos. Lydecker got that information out of 453, which is why they hit up the lab again Krit or Zane told Max that 453 had told them. So Max always knew that everyone knew, but everyone had assumed they'd been in time since Max hadn't told them otherwise. It was like a really brief line, so it's not too surprising you missed it._

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** Chapter 13 **

_Spring 2021 _

" Logan?" She called out walking into the apartment; she frowned realizing he wasn't there yet. She walked into the kitchen and looked at the clock on the oven and frowned again, hoping he'd show up soon and she got to actually spend some time with him before having to head back out.

Both of them working sucked even though Logan mostly worked from the apartment. Trips like this one that had taken him away for the past five days were entirely unfair, even worse 2 of those days had been the weekend. By Sunday afternoon she'd gone insane, completely stir crazy being alone in the apartment even though she'd barely spent any time in it.

She'd slept alone on Thursday, if the tossing and turning she did for an hour and a half counted as sleep. _How exactly the girl who used to despise cuddling could no longer sleep alone, she didn't know._

She was used to always being in contact with him while in bed. Luckily for Logan after the first month or so, she no longer slept almost completely on top of him. Now she slept either resting her head on his chest or curled up with him. She also no longer stayed in bed for the full seven hours that he did just listening to him breathe, feeling his heartbeat. She'd wander around the apartment, watch some reruns, raid the fridge, she still tried to outrun the world on her bike, but that didn't work like it once had. She'd slip back into bed for awhile, normally with a hand resting on his arm, since he'd generally manage to end up on his side or stomach once she'd left the room…Occasionally he would wake just enough to pull her back into his arms and they'd stay like that unconsciously preparing for the day ahead. She not only like the cuddling and constant contact, she'd become dependent on it.

So Friday she'd crashed at Kendra and OC's place after a night out with the girls. Saturday after spending the day with Syl she'd tried proving to herself she didn't need to be around anyone that had lasted just a few hours until she turned up at Crash, but once more spent another sleepless night alone in the big bed. Original Cindy and Kendra had taken pity on her yesterday and shown up for dinner and spent the night.

If Max weren't so adamant about not appearing to be dependent on anyone and still the loner she'd once been she'd call Prescott up right now and make him swear he'd talk to the editor over at the paper. She wasn't going to be that girl though…Though the thought of casually slipping a few comments to him at the next family event wasn't sounding so bad now that she'd spent just over 4 full days without Logan. She let out a grumbling sigh seeing the minutes pass by without Logan walking through the door and decided she might as well make them lunch.

-o-o-o-o-o-

He sighed as he reached out his hand the turn the knob knowing she'd leave it unlocked waiting for him. His hand froze just before he reached it and he looked down to the gray plaid baby carrier/car seat that he'd purchased just a few days before. The hood was up so from its current position all he could see was the blue terry cloth covered legs of the 6lbs 3oz person that resided within it. He raised his hand up and instead readjusted the three straps covering his shoulder, returning with one more than he'd left with, the black bag filled with all essential baby items. He shook his head again and opened the door.

"You missed lunch" her voice greeted him.

He turned to walk into the kitchen, "Yea I'm sorry

She smiled coming around the counter, seeing him for the first time in days she took in his appearance more so than she usually would. The fabric of the two toned black/gray long sleeve shirt slightly tighter across his arms than it was meant to be. His workouts still going strong for the day the exo stopped working, the long length of the only leg she could see covered by the light denim.

Gone were the deep lines on his face that had been present when she first came home. She was puzzled by his expression though, his smile unsure. She paused and started to make a face as he walked clear into view. On the opposite side of all of his bags was a baby carrier and she was pretty sure judging from his expression that when it turned around there was going to be a baby in it.

He lifted it to the counter with ease and she remained frozen in her spot.

"Guess I shouldn't bitch to Prescott about your editor." She tried to joke.

He looked puzzled trying to find the words to explain.

"How'd"

"Lydecker." He said simply.

"You two working together, you could probably take down the world." A small smile passed her lips.

He returned it, both of them knowing they were false. He tried to figure out what to do, what to say. He'd been preparing for this moment for months. Every time he'd tried to discuss the baby with Max, she'd shut down and effectively cut off any communication.

_Like a rape_. Had been Bling's words for it. She'd been violated, something had been stolen from her, and the choice had been taken away from her. There was no getting through to Max when she didn't want you to, so the topic had remained un-discussed.

He didn't know what to do, "Well you know what I did this weekend, what about you?" He smiled uneasily.

"Hung with OC and Kendra mostly. Chilled with Syl, worked on her bike...Burnt one of your pans, tried to make real Mac and Cheese and Kendra left me and OC in charge of it while she showered." she shook her head, "Boxed is definitely the way to go." Her eyes kept swaying over to the white and grey carrier as she tried to focus on Logan. "You know Normally gonna tear me a new one, I made you a sandwich, it's on the counter. Let's try to get ham or something this week, I'm sick of turkey."

"Max" he stepped in front of her as she tried to walk past him.

She froze looking up at him with scared eyes before she turned to look inside the carrier.

Eyes shut. Tuft of dark hair on his head. _Tiny_. Tinier than anyone she'd every seen. Smaller than Noelle, she hadn't thought that possible. "He's really small."

"6 pounds 3 ounces. He's three weeks early. We didn't want to risk Manticore."

She nodded before he could finish. "A place with horses."

"What?" his brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what she meant.

"Teachers, farms, reverends, you should find him a ranch. I was on one once, not really my thing. Kids and ponies though. Seems like a nice way to grow up."

His mouth remained slightly opened in shock.

"I'm gonna be late. I gotta blaze. I'll see you later." She rose up and placed a kiss on the side of his mouth. "Do you need me to pick up anything on my way home?"

He shook his head as he turned to see her jetting towards the door, "Max" he didn't call out after her, he simply said her name.

"Really late Logan." She said turning at the door grabbing her bag. "I'll see you in a few hours."

He was just left staring at the door.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Okay question to those who use the Reflection Board, who do I contact (there are like 5 different top people) about the site apparently hating my email address or something odd like that because I cannot get an activation code for the life of me nor can I get a new name (and it's not in my spam box). Everyone else seems to be fine on the board except for me for some odd reason. Okay thanks in advance to anyone who helps.

**Thanks for reading. Sorry about the delay. I'm kinda iffy on these final chapters, not really working for me.**

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**Chapter 14**

He was left staring at the door and he continued to do so for a few moments, too stunned to react. He hadn't known what to expect, but he was pretty sure in all of the scenarios he imagined she'd hadn't told him to find the baby a nice family and then ask calmly if he needed anything on her way home from work. He turned back thankful to see the baby still sleeping and held in his groan for the sheer fact that he didn't want the little guy to wake up.

He had absolutely no experience with babies. He was an only child, he might have four cousins, but he was smack dab in the middle of the nine year age gap they encompassed. It also didn't help that he hadn't grown up in a world were the girls he dated baby-sat their younger siblings. Noelle was the perfect example of how much he interacted with babies, he held them for the obligatory few minutes and passed them off to the nearest available person either as soon as they started to fuss or the necessary time minimum had passed.

The past few months starting to rush through his head as he gingerly lifted the carrier off of the counter and moved it over the coffee table before he sat.

Things had seemingly appeared normal for months, probably even within weeks of her return home. She laughed, she joked, she teased just like she always had. She got lost in herself more often than she had in the past though, her nightmares had abated somewhat, they were no longer a guaranteed occurrence every night. Sometimes she'd go a week without one, then out of the blue though, they'd terrorize her for days in a row. She'd shoot up, sometimes crying his name. Occasionally she'd let him comfort him, but more often than not, no sooner than his hand would be on her arm trying to soothe her, she'd be out of the bed and wouldn't come back for hours.

He stopped pushing, stopped following her out of the room; it only caused her to retreat more. Krit tried, Syl tried, Original Cindy had tried, hell even Bling had tried having more experience in traumatic events than any of them, but she just smiled and said she was fine.

'I should have found a way to tell her,' he thought looking once more at the carrier. For months though every time they'd gotten a lead it had fallen apart. Lydecker had been looking for months longer than Logan, searching out all of the previous facilities Manticore had used. The women had no idea they weren't carrying a average child; poor women had been recruited to serve as surrogates for infertile couples and placed in what were basically 'Homes for unwed mothers' that had almost all but disappeared in the late eighties, but had made a return with the Pulse.

When they'd gotten this final lead and Lydecker had gone with Brin to double check all of the facts, they still weren't positive it was Max's child. The dates seemed to fit as did the gender, but they had no way of positively identifying it as her child until it was born. The surrogate was a 21 year old, soft spoken petite blonde girl who was doing this to earn money to help support her two younger siblings who were living with her aunt after their parents had been killed. Yet another case of the defenseless being exploited and Logan would have been outraged even if Max weren't involved. They'd shuttled her off to a private hospital hundred miles away Friday night, her labor had been induced Sunday morning and the little guy before him had been born at 6:19 last night, Brin had kept guard the entire time until Logan had settled him into the back of his car.

Lydecker had made a solemn vow to Logan to reconnect the girl with her family and acquire the appropriate papers to relocate her, swearing he'd contact Logan if his contacts fell through. Lydecker had given Logan a amused look as Logan handed the girl an envelope with 10 grand, when she'd been more than thrilled with Manticore's promised payment of 5 grand when delivery was over. So here he was hours later with Max's son before him. Her son, who had already proven he'd inherited his mother's difficult streak causing Logan to have to stop on the highway twice and he'd paced with him the entire time Shelly, Sebastian's 'assistant' had run the DNA test at a private lab Sebastian had connections with.

_Her son._

The little guy before him had half of Max's DNA, of course he also had half of Zack's which Logan was pretty sure if someone had said to him a year ago…Well the point was a lot changed in a year, as had Logan's opinion of Zack. He'd sacrificed himself for Max; Zack had kept Max alive when he couldn't. He would have willingly taken a dozen boys into his home with only Zack's DNA.

He looked over at the baby again and focused on his features trying to figure out if he looked like Max or Zack. He still had no idea, he didn't see either of them in the infant's features beyond Max's dark hair and the possibility of Zack's eyes, thinking of the slate blue eyes that lay beyond the slightly translucent lids. He was pretty sure that was another piece of evidence proving he had no experience with kids because everyone else always saw someone else in the baby's nose or lips, he saw either a cute or ugly kid. Based on that he was guessing the kid looked like Max because he was pretty damn cute and considering Logan had been tempted to tear his hair out on several occasions and still thought that was saying a lot.

He sat there continuing his vigil, hoping the baby wouldn't wake up and trying to figure out what the hell to do. He debated calling Syl or Krit, but knew it wasn't his place to tell them their siblings had been joined in a little child. He wondered how hard it would be to take the baby back out and finish getting everything they'd need for at least the time being. He ignored Max's words, focused on Bling's and Lydecker's of giving her time.

_Hmm Bling._ Logan wondered what his trusted friend was doing today and if he could stop by the store for him, he'd probably have a better idea of what to buy than any of them anyway.

He stood letting out a final shaky breath as he looked down at the sleeping newborn and hoped to god he wasn't completely off base with this entire thing.

-o-o-o-

Bling contained his laughter walking into the kitchen, he'd used his key not wanting to disturb the infant by knocking, Logan was turned facing him having heard the door as he attempted to clean up either spit up or formula from his shirt.

"Kids should come with instruction manuals."

Bling laughed, "I picked up a few books, figured you had no idea what the hell you were doing."

"Thanks" Logan said with a slight raise of his eyebrows and smile as he nodded and draped the towel next to the sink, pretty sure he'd need it again. "Is that all you got?" He asked walking over to the two large shopping bags Bling had just placed down.

Just as Bling was about to speak, Charlie one of the guys who worked in the building came into the apartment with two boxes on a dolly, "Hey Mr. Cale congratulations."

"It's Logan" he said haphazardly, used to trying to convince the workers in the building they didn't need to call him by his last name, especially since everyone just called Max, Max. He shot an accusing look over to Bling, he had been trying to keep this on the dl until Max had a chance to get used to it.

"I bet you and Max are real excited," he looked around the apartment, "where is Max?"

"She's…She had to go out."

"Aww is that the little guy?" he said moving around to see the baby in the carrier. "He's real cute." He said looking down at the wide eyed infant. "He even kinda looks like you two."

"Uh yea." Logan said as he slid his hand into his pocket for his wallet, "Thanks for all your help Charlie, can you do me a favor though." He said sliding the bill into the man's hand for carrying up the boxes.

"Sure Mr. Cale"

" Logan" he smiled again, "Can you not tell anyone about the baby for a few days, we're still trying to get used to it ourselves."

"Sure thing" he nodded only slightly wondering if that was an odd request, but he knew from personal experience once you said the word baby, strangers would be showing up at your door to get a peak at them. "You want these things--"

"Yea" Bling nodded, moving around to the other man's vacated position of standing before the baby, "There's good."

"Should I be telling the guys downstairs to expect a delivery?" he asked as he lifted off the two boxes, a paltry amount of baby things and he knew for a fact that they hadn't had anything delivered lately, especially not baby furniture, someone would have mentioned that.

"Not for a few days," Logan nodded, once more cursing Bling for not only bringing another person into this but his whole building, "he caught us off guard. He's early."

"Kay well just let me know and if you need any help when--"

"Thanks Charlie." Logan once more nodded.

"Tell Max I said congrats?" he asked again.

"Will do." He nodded once again.

Logan turned to Bling once the young man had left.

"I would have had to make three trips." Bling said absent-mindedly. "He really looks like Max," he said sitting down before the baby.

Logan was suddenly proud of himself that Bling had come to the same conclusion as him.

"How'd she take it?" Bling asked looking up, he didn't know why anything that went on in Max and Logan's lives still managed to surprise him, but it did.

Logan looked down at Bling.

"That well?" He said taking in Logan's face.

"Yea" Logan answered walking over to the boxes, squatting down before them. On top was a grayish green stroller, he moved it to the side and looked at the picture of the basinet, it was ivory and hooded with a little mobile type stuffed animals hanging down, "They didn't have anything less frilly?" he turned and asked, it looked like there were two levels of white ruffles covering the basket.

Bling looked up tearing his attention away from the baby, "How many options do you think there are Logan, you're lucky I found this much." He started to stand, to move over to Logan, "Not to mention this one vibrates."

Logan looked up puzzled.

"It calms the baby."

"I'll take your word on that."

Bling chuckled and moved over to the bags, "There are batteries in here somewhere." He said as he started to empty the bags, padding for the bed, sheets, a few more outfits, diapers, more formula, books.

"What's that?" Logan said moving over, seeing a box extracted.

Bling raised it up and turned around.

Logan looked at the picture it looked like his backpack just in front of someone; _you_ _were__supposed_ _to_ _put_ _a_ _baby_ _in_ _a_ _sling?_ He looked back up at Bling.

Bling laughed and began to open the box and extracted a burgundy and orange sling.

Logan looked back at Bling, "He weighs six pounds." _Why would they need that thing?_

"First off you'd be amazed at how heavy that can seem after awhile."

Another disbelieving look, not to mention he was pretty sure the little guy wanted the constant attention that came from being in someone's arms.

"What happens when the exo fails or it's the middle of the night?"

Logan's mouth opened, _he hadn't gotten that far in thought_.

"Exactly. I just hope this one fits." He said holding it up, "That kid's really small." His eyes went back over to the carrier. "Try it on" he said extending his hand giving him no choice but to take the article in question.

"No, don't pick him up." Logan said seeing the other man moving towards the infant and started after him. _He had no idea what had gone into making that baby quiet._

Bling's hands were already over the fasteners, leaving Logan looking down in anguish that all of his hard work was being destroyed. "Come on," he said scooping the infant in close to him and nodded towards the sling.

Logan sighed and his hands went to work adjusting the offensive pack. He looked down in disgust once it was on before looking up at Bling.

He shook his head, Logan had definitely been one of his more trying patients at times, "Let's try this out huh." He paused and looked up from the baby, "Does he have a name?"

"I got Max to look at him for 5 seconds."

Bling made a pained face, before looking back down at the baby, "Okay well little man, let's see how this works."

Logan looked down as Bling stepped back, "I feel like I'm pregnant."

"That's the original point of it, I think that's too big. I know a woman who makes the cloth ones."

Visions ran through Logan's head of native women carrying their baby's strapped across their chests, he looked back up at Bling.

Bling laughed seeing Logan's horrified expression that's why he'd picked up the backpack looking one in the first place, as Max and many of his other patients' spouses/girlfriends routinely referred to the delicate male ego. "She's already in love with you, Logan. Don't worry. I think she'd rather her kid be comfortable and safe."

"Can I take this off yet?" He asked supporting the baby's weight with a free hand, despite the fact that that was the entire point of the sling.

"Chair first." Bling said with a nod.

-o-o-o-

He started to clean up the apartment, Bling had left to go meet a patient awhile ago (after promising he wouldn't return with a floral sling, only a dark or neutral solid color one), leaving Logan to finish putting together the items. Visions of Christmases past ran through his head and he had a new appreciation for every time a parent bitched about having to put together a toy. _How something that could look so simple and should just snap together caused so many curses and scraped knuckles he'd never know._ He'd fixed the exo after all…A stroller and a bassinet should have been a breeze. Now he was picking up all the packaging that had been carelessly tossed to the side instead of being thrown out in the first place.

His mind flashed back to Christmas and finding out about the little boy who was once more asleep, but now in the bassinet. His mind was stuck on that for a few minutes, remembering that horrible realization of what Max was going through…Then out of nowhere a vision of Max in short red velvet with fake white fur trim popped into his head. He groaned, not for the first time in five days. Five days without Max. Records like that weren't the kind he wanted to ever break. He allowed his mind to linger over the memory for a few minutes before moving back onto cleaning with a sigh.

-o-o-o-

She let herself into the apartment noiselessly because of the thing she'd spent the entire day doing her best not to think about. She'd actually thrown herself into work,_ given __ Normal__ a damn heart attack with how many packages she got out,_ she allowed herself a silent chuckle to distract herself.

She walked slowly towards the living room looking for Logan. She smiled seeing his sleeping form stretched out on the couch, a few feet away was a fluffy ivory monstrosity, might be an overstatement, it wasn't like it had lace or anything, just ruffles. She moved softly across the floors to it and the person she knew lay within it, it wasn't as if she wasn't glad Logan had found him…She wouldn't have wished the fate that had awaited him on anyone. _She just…_

That was about as far in her thinking as she'd gotten. That and wondering if it now meant the nightmares would come to an end. She couldn't stand to see Logan die in anymore horrible ways, she couldn't survive hearing a baby's cries she couldn't reach, always out of touch. She let out a shaky breath and extended a finger to touch the baby's covered foot. _He was safe now, he would never be Manticore's guinea pig._

She turned to look back at Logan and suddenly felt the past five days with little sleep catch up to her…_She needed his arms around her so badly_. She bent down before him and dropped a kiss to his soft lips.

He murmured softly his eyes barely opening.

"Stay asleep." She lifted up his arm and he shifted so he was sideways on the couch so she could join him. She slid in alongside him and pulled his arm in tight over her.

"Max" he said softly.

She stopped him before he could speak, "Promise you'll never go away again. You'll never leave me."

"I promise" he said softly and pulled her closer as she fell asleep in his arms.

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**Yea, I'm sorry. I told you it wasn't working for me. **


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter 15 **

The baby softly began to whimper reminding him more of a kitten than a child. For the first few seconds it didn't seem to affect Max's deep sleep, but then her hands tightened around his arm. He could feel her breath growing shallow and rapid and he pulled her in even closer to him, "Shhh," he whispered as if to a sleeping child, "it's okay Max." He felt her come fully awake and could hear the deep swallow only inches away, her body tense. "Just the baby Max" he softly reassured and she responded by holding onto his arm even tighter for a few brief seconds and jerkily nodded. More weakness than she normally allowed to show through and he was reminded once more he would kill Renfro with his bare hands if ever given the opportunity.

The baby's cries grew louder and Max pushed herself up in a sharp movement. Logan followed her and quickly pulled her into his side as they sat alongside each other on the couch for a second before he stood to go the baby.

She watched in amazement as Logan tenderly lifted the baby up, cradling the small newborn close to his body. A study of contrasts, his tall, strong, powerful frame holding the tiny little person, smaller than his forearm. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders; the baby's cries had already lessened to their original soft sounds and were on their way to abating, "I think he just wanted to be held."

She nodded softly and stood, walking towards the kitchen, "I took out the steak for dinner."

"I saw" he turned and nodded.

"The fridge is pretty bare; I probably should have stopped at the market."

He knew she was just making small talk trying to ignore the situation at hand, "It's fine."

She opened the fridge and peered in.

"You're not planning on cooking the steak are you?" he asked teasingly.

She turned and smiled, it wasn't her fault the steak managed to overcook itself repeatedly. She didn't know how it happened every single time, it would be raw and the next thing she knew it would be like chewing leather. "I'll leave that for you. Potatoes?"

"Is there anything else?"

She shook her head, "Told you I should have stopped at the market. I can still"

He cut her off, "Potatoes are fine Max. Just thought you were giving an option."

She turned back from turning on the oven and she watched him straighten himself from lowering the baby into the bassinet, her eyes narrowed in puzzlement watching him flip a switch and the bassinet started to gently move.

He turned and caught her look, "I have no idea" he said with a shake of his head, "Seems to work though."

-o-o-o-o-

He gave her time to adjust, time to get used to the baby, he didn't try to force the baby into her arms as the timer buzzed to check the steaks. Instead he asked her to open the oven, once the initial burst of heat was gone with his back to the oven shielding the baby he basically looked over his shoulder as she pierced the flesh.

That's how things went for the rest of the night as they went about their normal routine barely mentioning the third person now in the room. She'd stop though every once in awhile and study him, take in the eyes, not the same blue as her brother's and different than her dream, the hair, so much darker than what she'd envisioned. Occasionally Logan held him close enough to her that she could smell his baby scent of talcum powder and baby wipes. He didn't move with the baby though so he stayed in her line of sight when she'd try to escape, he let her. Allowing her to judge how much exposure she could handle.

Her eyes softened watching him from her position atop the counter as he leaned up against the opposite one feeding the baby. She had never seen him tenderer, more caring, more nurturing. Not during her seizures, not after her nightmares, not as he tried to convince her that all the stuff that happened because of Manticore wasn't her fault, which was saying a lot.

She was awoken a second time that night, though this time there was nothing gradual about it. A loud cry caused them both to shoot up without thought, Max preparing to be attacked and Logan trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Bottle?" she asked as he moved to take the baby out of the bassinet. The clock next to them said they had been asleep for almost an hour (though it seemed like they'd just shut their eyes), but that seemed to be the schedule the kid was on.

"I think so" he said bleary eyed, not coming awake as instantly as she.

He paused rubbing the baby's back as he realized she'd just left the room, he smiled softly to himself as he heard the fridge door open, before he softly began to hush the baby.

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**Thanks for reading guys!**  



	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Hello JustVibe, I love new readers (more importantly new readers who review and tell me they're reading). Not that this at all diminishes my love for my old readers (hmm probably could find a better name for you guys than that).**

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**Chapter 16 **

Around seven Max realized waking up Logan repeatedly during the night for anything other than heat related issues made him pretty damn cranky. Which was shocking since she'd seen him go 24 hours easily without sleep. The baby waking up about every two, yanking him out of sleep before he ever even got to REM was definitely not having a positive effect on Logan.

Her mind kept telling her as she'd hear the baby gently stirring to get up and take the him into the living room. Getting her body to comply was another story. So here she was, seven am watching Logan transfer over to his chair after getting the baby to quiet back down trying not to grumble as he said he was taking a shower. Apparently getting rid of baby spit up rated higher than having coffee first or at least that's what she thought. She didn't know he wanted to shower while there was still a good chance the baby would remain quiet.

-o-o-o-

The baby was waking again as he put on the exo and he wondered exactly how single parents did it. Somewhere around 4am all he'd wanted to do was put the pillow over his head and force Max to deal with the squalling infant. Common sense and logic overrode his need for sleep and luckily for everyone involved he was feeling a hell of a lot more social after his shower. He blamed his mood on the fact that he'd barely slept since he left the apartment to go meet up with Lydecker days ago. He certainly hadn't slept Saturday knowing what was coming on Sunday nor had he slept on Sunday as he tried to figure out how to come home with a child Max refused to mention.

He reached out a hand and placed it upon the baby's chest softly reassuring him that he was still here and hadn't been forgotten before flipping the bassinet back on to vibrate as he finished getting dressed.

-o-o-o-

She smiled up as she heard him enter the room and tried to hide the breath she held once more seeing the baby cradled up against Logan's chest. She wondered how morally wrong it was to just want five minutes alone with Logan after spending all but a few around the baby. "There's Cream of Wheat on the stove."

Logan rewarded her cooking by making a face, which she'd never understand since he didn't have a problem with oatmeal, which was just as bland. "It's the texture" he replied to the face she'd made to his own.

She shook her head as she stood to go pour him a cup of coffee as he moved to peer with disgust into the pot before moving to get a bowl.

"Do you want me to get the bassinet?" she asked as he settled down before his bowl at the table.

He shook his head, "I'm fine"

She nodded her head as her mouth lingered over her second cup of coffee. "So did you talk to anyone about him yesterday?" she blurted out as he was a few bites into his meal, past the lip smacking stage.

"You mean about-" he asked slowly pulling the spoon out of his mouth and slightly tightened his grip on the baby grateful her eyes were too glued to his face to look down at the infant.

"Yea" she nodded.

He nodded back, "I made a few calls." _Technically he wasn't lying, he had made a phone call to Bling and one to Lydecker. _

She looked at him expectantly.

"They should be getting back to me in a few days." _Once more not lying._

She nodded again and took another sip of her coffee.

He resisted the urge to put the spoon down as he attempted to broach the next subject, but he held back not wanting to put any more importance on it than necessary, "You know we should figure out something to call him for the time being."

She opened her mouth to ask why, then remembered for how many years she'd simply been 452 until they had named themselves. She was about to tell him just to pick something until she realized there was a chance he would call the baby Zack, she didn't think she'd be able to survive hearing that, "What did you have in mind?"

_Hmm good sign, she didn't shut down,_ "Nothing really. Just thought he should have a name."

Max looked across at the baby now sleeping against Logan's chest and tried to rationally think about it. He didn't really look like anything. All she ever thought about when she saw him was _he's so small. _She repeated her thoughts aloud, "He's so small."

Logan's lips raised up in a smile as he eyes raised up to look across at Max, "So what do you want to do name him Wilbur?"

She looked over puzzled.

" Charlotte's Web?" he supplied the literary reference.

"Oh right" she said with a nod, "Well Will's not too bad is it?"

"No" he said with a shake of his head as he ordered his lips not to smile, _William Cale, kinda sounds nice. _

"I'm gonna go shower." She said placing her coffee cup down with a little too much effort.

-o-o-o-

"Someone was up all night." Original Cindy said taking in Max's slightly weary appearance.

She nodded her head, _yup but definitely not in the way you think. _She sighed realizing that the way OC thought probably wouldn't happen until the baby joined his new home. She'd barely even remembered to miss it in the past twenty hours being too busy trying not to be preoccupied with the baby…_William_, she corrected herself. Then frowned as she tried to figure out why she'd just lengthen his name. _Will, they were calling him Will_. William sounded so permanent.

"What's with the sour puss?"

"Nothing" she said with a shake of her head.

"You sure? You know if he's done something-"

Max cut her friend off, "We're fine, I swear.

Cindy gave her a disbelieving look and was about to press further when Sketch and Herbal walked in together, already in conversation.

"You don't understand there was throw-up on my shoes."

"And that is the price of bringing new life into the world." Herbal said simply

"If I were Natalie I would have chopped off your dick. Pull out my ass. Didn't you learn anything in high school?" Original Cindy said as she was once more reminded that her friend truly was a dumbass.

Max realized it was time to make a quick escape before she got dragged into the drama that was going on in Sketchy's life, _enough baby talk already. _

"Like I didn't already learn my lesson. She's happy, I'm miserable."

"Yea well you deserve to be for all you've put her through. You try bailin and I'm sickin' Max on your sorry ass."

"I'm not leaving. Jesus what kind of person do you think I am?"

"Specially since he groveled for over a month to get her back." Herbal said with a slight chuckle rubbing salt in the wound.

"Yea" Sketch said with a shake of his head, "Thanks for talking me into that you guys." He said sarcastically.

"Talk?" She turned to Max, "Did you hear Original Cindy say a single word about his sorry ass getting back with her fine one?"

"Don't pull me into this. I was done after Lydia."

"You sealed that poor girl's fate." She turned back to Sketch, "She could have moved onto finer things" she looked down at herself before turning back up to him, "Instead, she gets stuck with this genius who can't even move out of the way before she blows chunks."

"Okay as appetizing as this conversation is, I'm leaving."

"I'll come with you Maxie" Herbal said quickly following her lead, he too had had more than enough of Sketchy's horror stories.

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**AN: Whatever happened to Natalie? Did we have a breakup mentioned onscreen? Oh and before I get when did Logan and Max get married, they did not, nor have they gotten engaged, they've had a lot of other things to deal with.**


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Okay interactive story. Bob says something in a review and I realize it needs to be addressed hence the first part of the chapter. Aside from that let me say, this is also a weird story.

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**Chapter Seventeen **

Logan avoided any feelings of guilt as he informed his editor he still wasn't coming in and couldn't start any new articles. He'd proven himself worthy of his job countless times; this wasn't as if he was taking advantage of his step-uncle owning the paper even though technically he was.

He did some Eyes Only research as the baby slept, then made some calls to informants as he paced with the baby, before settling in to do some work that actually paid the bills, a long term article about some pretty minute corruption with the sanitation workers. The baby was in his arms as he proofed what he'd spent the morning writing as there was a knock at the door.

Bling was there raising up the black sling in a sign of peace, knowing showing up with a feminine one would cause him to find out just how much he'd built up Logan's upper body strength.

"Thanks" he said with a nod and backed up so his friend could come inside.

"How'd the other one work out?" Bling said walking in and dropping the sling down on the end table.

"Didn't need to use it."

"Max get up with the baby?"

"She got the bottles, I fed him."

The single look Bling gave him was enough to seriously chip away at his faith that this thing was going in the right direction, "She just needs time."

"She even hold the baby?"

"Will," he supplied the name they'd come up with this morning before answering, "no."

"You got her to name the baby, but not hold it?"

"I think I might have technically named him," he said as the situation started to dawn on him.

"What do you mean?"

Suddenly defensive he answered, "I said that the baby should at least have a temporary name."

"You didn't even give him a real name?"

"Didn't you just ask me to tell you what happened?"

Bling gave him a look and allowed him to proceed.

"I kinda joked about Wilbur when all she could come up with was his size."

"From Charlotte's Web? You're calling the baby, Wilbur?"

"No, Will and that was Max not me."

Bling shook his head at him as he made his way over to the couch.

"She just needs time." He said to both himself and Bling.

"You sure about that?" Bling asked as he watched Logan lower the newborn into bassinet.

"This is Max," he replied it as if it answered everything.

Bling just leaned back and looked at him.

"Max is the most caring and compassionate person I know."

Bling just looked at him for a minute, not about to fight Logan's words; he knew them to be true despite her tough girl attitude, "She didn't ask for him Logan."

"I know Max," his resolve might be wavering, but he still to clung to everything he was so positive he knew about her. How she was with Jude, with Maria…Chase, she'd loved her nephew even though she barely knew him, just like she loved Jace's Max, she didn't know if she had a niece or a nephew, but she loved him. _Her love for her siblings…Zack._ He didn't doubt for a single second that up until they had taken away her choice of becoming a mother that she would have taken any child of Zack's (no matter the circumstances) into her heart, her life. Any child she could have created in heat would have been loved regardless that Manticore had been the basis for its creation.

" Logan," Bling softly said his name to draw him out of his thoughts.

"I searched for her mother with her," he said nodding ever so slightly, "I know one day she'll regret letting him go."

"She bring it up again?"

Logan nodded, "Told her I made some calls." He didn't bother filling in Bling on the rationalization he'd made.

"So what are you gonna do if at the end of all this she still wants to give the baby away?"

He paused for a moment, it was amazing how attached you could become to someone so tiny in just over a day, "I don't really have a say in the matter do I?"

As if the baby understood what was going on that, he started to whimper, Logan could already distinguish the noise as being only seconds away from a full-fledged cry and quickly moved to take him into his arms and softly soothe him, rubbing his back and mentally promising he wouldn't let the words that had just been said come true.

-o-o-o-

"Hey Logan," Krit called out walking into the apartment after a short knock (knowing Logan was home because of the Aztec in the garage as he'd parked his bike alongside Max's). He and Syl almost never waited to be let into the apartment (especially at this time of day), the lock was easy for them to pick despite it being top of the line. The knock was of course their concession to all the times they'd walked in at inopportune times, but it being midday he assumed Max was at work.

He saw the other man in the kitchen, "I'm glad you didn't go into work today, I'm starving. I got those disks from Martavio's, what the hell is that guy up to?" Logan turned, the look on his face one of confusion. "Hey Bling," Krit nodded as he entered the kitchen and was once more greeted with the surprised and not entirely happy to see him look. _What the hell was going on?_

Before he could even open his mouth to speak the corner of his eye focused on the large ivory object to the right of him, across the room, he turned and focused on it. _It was a bassinet. _His mind rationalized that Max must be pregnant, but why would she have gotten a bassinet so early? Why was it so prominently displayed in the living room? Easy answer Krit, his mind told him, Max either told Logan by surprising him with the piece of furniture or Logan had brought it to celebrate how happy he was. Then he heard the soft rustling in the deafening silence of the room…The soft rustling coming from the large ivory creation across the room.

He turned back to Logan, whose expression was one he couldn't really identify as his mind was suddenly swarmed with everything else that was going on. The three men remained silent as Max's brother made his way across the room to peer into the bassinet and was greeted with alert blue eyes as the baby gently moved before him. His mind froze and struggled to understand, the alleged X-5 intelligence suddenly didn't exist as he took in the brown hair, blue eyes and small body covered in a white romper with tiny hippos across it.

_Not some rescued kid,_ Logan and Bling wouldn't look like they did, that canceled out babysitting too. _Did they adopt…_That's when it hit him, when the mental block finally fell, "We were too late," he said with a nod. "Woah," he said as he realized he was looking down at Max and Zack's kid.

He reached out a finger and touched the white and blue sock sticking out from where the blanket had been kicked free, his thumb and finger encased the kicking foot and he felt the baby's foot curl in response as the enormity of it all hit him, the enormity in this infinitely tiny little package.

"Where's Max?" he asked with his head turned as his hand held onto his nephew's foot.

"Work," Logan said taking in the scene knowing that if this had been a year ago that would have been Max's response.

Krit's mind struggled to understand why Max would be at work instead of at home, but that question was lost as everything else was while coming to terms with the little guy before him, "Aren't you supposed to swaddle babies?" he found himself asking as he stared down.

Logan shook his head, since Bling reminded him of that just a little while ago, "You try swaddling anything related to Max. Apparently that's right next to needs no sleep."

Krit chuckled a bit, Syl was going to kill him for not only seeing their nephew first but knowing about him. He realized he should probably let her hold him first as he was leaning over to scoop the newborn into his arms.

"Support his head," Logan called out, sounding ever so much like the worrisome parent.

Krit chuckled at hearing Logan, "I know how to hold a baby Logan."

Bling stifled his laugh as Logan shot a look over at him, "You're a lot better today."

"Thanks," Logan said sarcastically, _yesterday really hadn't been his fault. _

"So why is Max at work?" Krit asked as he moved over to the couch so he could further study his nephew.

"You wanted a sandwich right?" Logan asked as went to grab another roll.

"Yea," Krit drawled out as he looked over at the man behind the counter suddenly busying himself, the man for all intents and purposes was not only his friend, but his brother-in-law. "Why is Max at work?" he asked with growing apprehension.

Bling looked over at Logan who was simply staring out ahead instead of answering the question, his mouth would begin to move as if he was about to answer the question, but would then stop. Finally he spoke, "Max is still pretty traumatized from everything that happened this summer."

Krit stared at him in shock. _Traumatized?_ They were all traumatized; they'd spent their entire childhood being soldiers/monsters. It was a physical and mental abuse that made it amazing that they hadn't all turned out like Ben. Manticore had succeeded in killing 4 of their siblings, Brin had been brainwashed…What the hell did any of that have to do with why Max wasn't at home with her kid, with her nephew…As the thought of that crossed his mind he was suddenly glad he'd stopped thinking of Syl as his sister around the first time she'd gone into heat, she was simply his partner in everyway. Too much time in the outside world, made it impossible to not find son/nephew thing a little odd sounding. "He's family," Krit said firmly, "no matter how he got here, he's family."

Logan's eyes briefly went to Bling, _see he got it,_ they said. "It's not just Will," he said as he began to defend her.

"Will?" Krit asked looking up, "That's his name?" He'd forgotten to even ask something like that, he should probably get all that other stuff he knew Syl would hit him with the moment he got home, he gently raised the baby in his arms and guessed him to be around 6lbs, but knew that answer wouldn't satisfy Syl.

"At least for now because he's so small."

"Like Wilbur?" Krit laughed, which the baby apparently didn't appreciate.

Logan quickly moved towards the baby, which Krit willingly released. Will quickly returned to his drowsy state when placed against Logan's shoulder.

Bling looked on in shock, amazed at the change that had taken place in less than 24 hours.

"So what's just not Will?" Krit asked softly.

"She's afraid of babies I think, kids too, but not as much so. She doesn't smile anymore or make faces at them, she avoids them."

Krit shook his head, _nah, no way,_ he would have noticed that or Syl would have mentioned it.

"The nightmares she has-"

Krit cut him off, "The ones where you die?" Syl had mentioned that to him, she'd pried that much information out of Max. Max's nightmares were common knowledge amongst the group and a pretty common occurrence in all of them, despite the fact that they hadn't landed back in there.

"They're not just me," he said with a shake of his head as he moved to put the now sleeping infant to bed.

"She tell you that?"

Logan gave an exacerbated look to Max's brother, _Max tell anyone anything?_ "The baby started to cry when she was sleeping." His eyes closed briefly before he continued, "She was so scared or upset…I don't know."

Krit was struggling to comprehend this, Max got defensive, detached, but she was almost never scared. Then he realized he was wrong, he'd seen Max scared on two different occasions. She'd launched herself into Logan's arms and almost toppled him when she'd been worried about him. _Max wasn't as brave as she led everyone to think._ "She'll come around," was all he said. She had to; it was as simple as that.

Logan nodded in agreement.

Bling looked on in disapproval as the other men were caught up in an illusion, refusing to even acknowledge what could very easily end up being reality, "What happens if she doesn't?" He asked again.

"She will," Krit said with a nod, "she has to." He looked at Logan before the other man could impart his negativity again, "Tell me what she's said, what's happened. Why is she at work instead of here trying to deal with this?" _Max wasn't the type of person to just run away when things got tough. _

Logan sighed and made his way over to a chair, "She wants me to find him a home."

Krit's mouth opened, _the kid had a home didn't he?_ Complete with Mommy and Daddy, sure the mommy was a little freaked but…

"She hasn't touched him."

Krit got up at this point and paced for a moment before turning to Logan, "So drop him in her arms."

"It's not that easy."

"Yea it is."

"I will not do that to her," he stated simply. That was like plunging a person with arachnophobia into a pit filled with tarantulas. Might work in theory, but it wasn't as if he could sit there and force her to hold the baby until she got past everything, all he'd end up doing was making things worse. He had to do this her way, gradual. Funny, he'd never related the word gradual with Max until this past year.

"Then I will," he said growing angry. _They didn't behave like this; this wasn't who any of them were. _

"No you won't," Logan's eyes held a steely glint as he focused on her brother.

Krit let that fight go seeing the resolve in Logan's eyes, "If he goes anywhere it's to me and Syl. You will not give our nephew away to strangers. He's Zack's kid too, if Max doesn't want him…" he shook his head amazed at the anger he suddenly felt towards his normally beloved sister.

"This isn't her fault," Logan firmly reminded him.

"I know," he answered with a nod and felt some of the anger that had washed over him start to dissipate.

"You know the sandwiches have been done for awhile." Bling said hoping to end the conflict.

Logan stood and looked over, he hadn't even been aware the other man had taken over the task, "You know you can't tell Syl right?" he said as he and Krit moved in sync to the food.

"You're aware she'll kill me?"

"I already went to Lydecker on this. I'm lucky to still be standing." He joked in all seriousness, though he doubted Max would be angry at him or at least not outwardly so since it definitely wasn't his fault no one raised in Manticore had any respect for common courtesies, like being invited in. He just didn't want to force the kind of pressure or strain on her that he knew would come with telling her sister.

Krit nodded as he went to grab a sandwich, "I'll do my best at keeping her away. Can't make any promises though."

"Just try, that's all I ask."


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen **

By the end of the day Max needed home. Home of course being Logan. He'd proven that being away for five days.

She supposed yesterday she had just been in shock so it was easy to not think, today though…_She didn't seem to know up from down._ Everything was a swirling mess in her head. Still though, she tried to do what she had done for the nine previous months. Not think about it.

Of course it would make sense the one topic she was trying to avoid thinking about everyone else kept talking about. She rode off from Jam Pony with Herbal that morning and of course Sketch's kid was talked about…Hmm or maybe that was laughed about. _Sketch procreating…not an appealing thought. _She tried to imagine him as Logan was yesterday, somehow she couldn't imagine that gangly mess having patience for more than five minutes with a crying kid or changing a diaper at 5am, he at least wouldn't have been half as pleasant throughout. Original Cindy was right; she'd definitely done a disservice to that girl keeping her from Lydia. Funny thing was Sketchy was right, she was happier than Max had ever seen her. Sketch though…

_"Max," he said coming up to her at her locker. "Smell my shoe," he said bringing the offensive object right up to her face as she turned. _

_"Ugh," she said hitting the black sneaker away, "get that away from me." _

_"I think it still smells like vomit," he said bringing the shoe up to his nose. _

_She just made a face at that. _

_"Come on smell it," he said shoving it back in her face. _

_She once more knocked it away, "Jesus Sketch I smelled it the first time. All I got was you need to use cornstarch or something because your feet are rank." _

_"That's the vomit," he defended. _

_"No that's your nasty self." _

She just wanted Logan; she wanted his arms around her. It certainly didn't help that Original Cindy had repeatedly mentioned just how long Logan had been gone and god at lunch when she'd zoned out…

_"Hey Max," he paused for a moment before repeating her name louder, pulling her out of her thoughts, "Max!" _

_"Huh?" she said snapping her attention back to the table. _

_"What is up with you today?" his words drawled in that insipid, yet endearing way. _

_"Please Sug had her boo gone a full four days. You think she's slept any?" _

What had followed had been several crude comments by Sketch as he remembered, 'boning.' Which while it disgusted her also amused her; the problem was it also reminded her of just how much she wasn't getting.

-o-o-o-

Home of course was delayed by the adult life she had learned to live since living with Logan. _Groceries_. Actual groceries and not just two or three things picked up when desperately needed. Not that she normally performed this activity alone, no normally this was their Sunday morning activity, which amused the hell out of OC and Kendra. They'd hit up the farmer's market and the grocery store close by (whose prices weren't totally jacked up since they had a steady flow of customers).

She controlled her normal habit of announcing her presence as she entered their place as she had done so the previous day.

He looked up from his office chair as she appeared in the doorway.

"Let me tell you," she began before he could even greet her, "groceries on a bike. Not the easiest thing." Not like it had been a difficult thing, but it had been annoying and she was glad she'd thought about it before she'd bought eggs since the bags went flying into her bike on several turns from their position of dangling from her handle bars.

He laughed standing to her joking casual words, "Didn't look like it would be."

She pouted as she put down the two bags and moved towards him, lifting herself up for a kiss, pressing her body full into him.

"That was a nice hello," he said as they finally separated.

"I missed you," she sighed and continued to hold herself against him, "it was a long day. I had to smell Sketchy's shoes."

He made a face, "Do I want to ask?"

A slight shake of the head and smile, "No," she said as she went back to her greeting.

Max was ripped out of the safety of his arms by the reason she needed its reassuring presence.

He groaned and loosened his grip on her before giving her an apologetic look to tend to the crying infant.

She made a face once he walked past her and picked up the bags. She dropped them on the counter next to the fridge as she pulled her bag off over her head, listening to Logan laugh as she extracted the milk from it.

"You gotta better idea?" She smiled turning to him.

He smiled as he continued to hold Will against him rubbing his back and shook his head.

-o-o-o-

The pads of his fingers traced up her arm, his fingernails down as she lay with her head in his lap as the news was on the screen and the food was in the oven. She was once again struck by how completely dependent she was upon this man as a reason to take her next breath.

Sometimes even in that early haze of her own pain and fear, that overwhelming sense of detachment as if her mind was holding her back from diving into another dream that would tear her apart as she awoke…Sometimes she could see his pain, his fear. She'd wondered in those times who had actually had a worse two months. The things she'd lived through, the things she'd barely survived…He had lost her though, she had died. For fifteen days she'd lived with the fear of waiting to hear of his death, a fear that hadn't completed abated until she was in his arms again.

She had died though.

In his arms she had died.

There was a difference between rescued and resurrected.

He'd whisper it softly sometimes; tell her she was a miracle, a miracle in everyway possible. She'd restored his faith in everything, not a god, just life by simply continuing to live. She understood, so many things had been taken from her, but he had been returned to her. Nothing could ever compete with that. As long as she had Logan, she would believe the same as him, she'd believe in the world they lived in.

His fingers were starting to cause her mind to wander as he was unaware the responses his touch was creating within her. It was an absentminded thing, his body's lingering need to always been in contact with her, the movement reassuring them both that they were still with each other.

The movement that had made many movies, news broadcasts go unwatched, yet the movement always returned in moments of silence.

A smile traced her lips, a memory of her sister learning the reason behind doors and knocking. Logan swearing to buy underwear stock as his quite often fell victim to her impatience.

She suddenly caught him looking down at her, a matching smile gracing his lips. The weariness lining his eyes being joined by teasing…tempting…

Her lips were upon his before she even finished raising herself up. Sitting upon him, facing her entire reason for being, she wondered sometimes if she should tell him she knew of the ring she knew awaited her in the safety deposit box. Tell him that it didn't matter; no document could make this more real, more lasting. He had her heart forever. Not to mention the document would prove to be as false as the papers that would go into securing it, while they were real, genuine.

Her hands slid under his shirt, needing the same reassurance she had needed in those early months. His followed suit, but instead of lingering brought the shirt up, causing her hands to be ripped away from him. His eyes caught sight of the diamond resting just above the gray sports bra before her mouth moved upon his again and her hands were caught up in the back of his hair.

Seeing the necklace slowed his reaction time for a brief moment, she never wore it to work. He'd seen it yesterday and had taken it for a sign of how much she'd missed him, but he knew today it meant something else. Scared, a vulnerability she didn't want to face, she needed its reassurance, its/his constant presence just as she'd clung to him in those early days.

His hands found a renewed vigor and stroked her back and her waist as he pulled her closer to him. She broke them apart as her hands moved down to find the hem of his shirt, her hands lingered over his waist firmly caressing the flesh as she was pulled in tighter as Logan's attention moved to her always perfectly tanned shoulder and began to trail over to the necklace gently leaning her back.

The baby started to cry, shocking them both apart. They'd forgotten everything else apart from each other, including the fact that they weren't alone in the room.

Their breath had already started to grow heavy and they leaned back facing each other, Max still being held firmly in place by Logan's hands upon her waist.

_What was there to say in a moment like that? _

"I'll go check on dinner," she nodded licking her lips and snagging the discarded shirt as she climbed off of him as he too nodded.

Logan refrained from saying what was going through his mind, _Zack's impeccable timing; _he also refrained from groaning.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Lee: The necklace is the one Logan gave her for Christmas; it matches the ring that awaits her.

AN:

1. Too much to deal with regarding paralysis. Christopher Reeve's site definitely informed me a little too much. Used only a smidge of it. I was kinda happier just living in ignorance, entirely too much to think about.

2. Also had to throw in something else at the end that I wasn't planning on for the story because I just freakin realized it (I hate when that happens).

3. Who let me write an attempt at reality instead of something a little fluffier? This is so not as much fun as "Duck."

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen **

He wondered exactly how he got it all wrong.

Glasses off, face wet he stared into the mirror and wondered how he could have been so sure about something and have been wrong. Part of him wanted to blame Bling, everything had been going fine or at least he'd been able to happily live in denial up until his friend's visit today.

Today made yesterday seem like they had been the Waltons.

Today there were no questioning looks about something related to Will, no studying his features (even though she had kept trying not to), no mention of him whatsoever. She ignored him; she wasn't running out of the room, she just ignored him, though he did see her staring longingly at the keys for her Ninja.

He remembered back to a few days after she came home…

_"We haven't been using anything," she said with her fork still upright in her pasta as she'd been preparing to take another bite. _

_He froze with his own fork in his mouth, he hadn't thought of that. _

_Then came the question he knew she'd ask, wondering if it had just been an oversight with everything going on or if he knew something she didn't, "Do we need to?" _

_The fork slowly lowered; any admission of being less than whole still slightly painful even after a year and so much happening, "Good question." _

_"You don't know?" _

_"Wasn't exactly applicable at the time, so it didn't make any sense-" he didn't bother finishing explaining just shook his head, "I'll call Sam tomorrow, make an appointment." _

_"I'll go with you," she said sensing his discomfort. _

_"I'm a big boy Max; I can go to the doctor's on my own." _

_She didn't push, the last thing she was going to do was push on anything related to this subject, she smiled trying to lighten the mood, "Well the good news is with so many doctors poking and prodding, I know we're fine," she smiled hoping to mask the fear that she was somehow off with the dates. _

_"We're probably fine in general Max," he said thinking back to one of Sam's various lecture topics that he'd been bombarded with in those early weeks. _

_Two Days Later (Carr's office): _

_He shifted uncomfortably in his seat waiting for Sam to come reveal his test results. He remembered back over a decade earlier, the fear of getting a girlfriend pregnant, now he was sitting here in fear he wouldn't be able to. Not that it mattered, he knew it didn't matter, or at least the logical part of his mind kept trying to reassure him of that. _

_God kids, he'd never wanted kids. Not even when he was married to Valerie, the subject of kids was more of dread and duty. So many years living in fear of an accident, a condom breaking, which was funny since every health teacher swore that it didn't happen, yet it had and to quite a few of his friends, of course they explained that to be haste and in the dark. Point was he'd had a heart attack of what could lay ahead or the rare girlfriend who would actually share the information that she was late when they'd done everything by the book…God so many years of praying he wouldn't get anyone pregnant… _

_Yet when she'd said it… _

_He realized suddenly he wanted that, he wanted to see Max the mother. He wanted to see Max pregnant; suddenly the once incredibly unappealing form of a pregnant female was undeniably sexy or at least hers was. _

_He snapped back to attention as the door opened signaling Sam's entrance, "_ _Logan__." _

_He turned, "Sam, good to see you." _

_"How did everything go yesterday?" _

_Yesterday as in the tests whose results were now in Carr's hand, "Good," _ _Logan__ said trying not to squirm in his seat, not show his embarrassment, shame, he looked straight ahead at Carr acting as if the results wouldn't affect him in the slightest. Of course the single fact that Sam was the one telling him the results instead of the specialist proved he was more than a little uncomfortable. _

_"So I'm assuming these tests mean there's someone in your life?" _

_Why did he have to have the doctor who didn't know the doctor/friend line? _

_"A certain stunning brunette?" _

_"The results Sam," he said looking dead ahead. _

_Sam smirked a little at Logan's response; he opened the file and looked down to refresh his memory, "The results look promising _ _Logan__." _

_"Meaning?" he refused to get his hopes up. _

_"Meaning that given enough time you and," he looked at Logan waiting to see if he'd reveal if Max was the reason that he was here, "you and whomever you choose to be involved with will probably be able to conceive a child naturally. There are no guarantees though, but given opportune conditions there's a good chance you'll conceive. To maximize chances though intrauterine insemination or arti-" _

_Logan raised a hand and cut off his friend, "I got it." _

_"Yes well that or IVF-" _

_Another hand raised, it was more than just embarrassment, he didn't want to do that to Max, he wouldn't do that to Max, IVF would be almost exactly similar with just one more step than they had forced upon her in Manticore, he was pretty sure the other option was similarly unpleasant. "You said the word naturally," he referred his doctor back to the topic he wanted to discuss. _

_"Well yes, but-" _

_"Is that my file?" he asked looking across the desk, Sam always gave him a full copy of his chart. _

_He shook his head and closed the file, handing it across to _ _Logan__, "There's no timetable for this _ _Logan__; it could happen the first time circumstances are right or it could never happen. We really should discuss this further." _

_He wanted out, it was as simple as that, he stood, "When the time comes for that I'll come back, I swear." _

_"So this is about prevention," he probed further waiting for Logan to disclose he was indeed involved with the girl who had saved his life and whose name was on his lips as he awoke. _

_"Yes Sam, it's about prevention," _ _Logan__ said finally giving up that much information, feeling like a kid being talked to by his dad. _

_"In that case use it, quickest way to get someone pregnant is to think you can't." _

_Logan smiled at that and waved the file walking out of the room, "Bye Sam." _

_"Tell Max I said hi," he called out as the door opened. _

He leaned over and splashed his face again hoping to wipe away the memories and what was going on now.

_She read the file as he was on the phone, she'd walked in to find him occupied and she'd taken it upon herself to read the news instead of force him to say it aloud. _

_"Hoping you stopped at a drugstore," she said with the slightest hint of smile upon her lips as he hung up the phone. _

_"I did," he nodded. _

_She smiled slightly brighter, "So one day, if we wanted to…" _

_"It's a possibility," he said simply, "not a guarantee though." _

_She sensed his discomfort once again, his feelings of inadequacies, "So did I ever tell you what I found out about heat?" _

_His head tilted for this. _

_"Fifty nine percent." _

_He continued to look waiting for more of an answer. _

_"Something about more eggs, better conditions, I don't really know, but it takes it from twenty percent to fifty nine." _

_He smiled for that, "Good thing you're an overachiever." _

_"Don't let _ _Normal__ hear you say that…Might actually expect me to work." She said hopping off the table. _

It wasn't even just that he assumed from that, that one day she'd want kids; she'd said it aloud on a few different occasions. One day either from an accident or Max thinking she was ready, they would have a child. How would she be able to look down at that child and not remember this one?

God he remembered once upon a time when she'd searched so desperately for her mother…But that was another subject she didn't talk about anymore. Claiming it no longer mattered.

He was so worried about what would happen, what the future would hold for them, for Will…Chances were this would ruin her relationship with Krit and Syl as she'd continue to distance herself from the baby.

He should just tell her, get this all over with. Tell her Krit and Syl would take him. There'd be no going back once he did that though and he couldn't bring himself to do it yet. He pulled off the towel and dried his face before moving into the bedroom and ready himself for bed.

-o-o-o-

She couldn't fall asleep tonight. The baby seemed to be breathing louder than normal; there had been something just slightly off with Logan in the hours before they'd gone to bed. She didn't know what, just off.

She heard the baby wake; the difference in breathing alerted her to this fact. Sitting up, careful not to disturb Logan she looked over him and sure enough the baby's eyelids were on and off in opening.

"It's just a kid," she softly and under her breath as she moved to stand and take him from the room before he deprived Logan of anymore much needed sleep. She turned back to check on Logan as she shut the door, making sure he continued to sleep on.

The baby still hadn't completely stirred by the time she positioned the bassinet over by the couch. She suddenly remembered back to a talk she'd had with the doctor as he was checking he vitals and taking blood as she'd been on the hormones.

_"You know you're lucky you're not in heat," he said as he finished pulling out the long needle. _

_Her ears had perked up at heat, "Why?" _

_"That many hormones in your system," he shook his head, "it's not a pretty sight. 25 eggs though from the one we had it happen to, she had to be physically restrained when the time actually came." _

_"So heat's really heat?" she asked, she couldn't help herself. _

_"You're lucky you didn't find out the hard way, rumor has it there are at least four offspring of the escaped '09ers. During normal ovulation, a woman has about a 20 percent chance of conceiving, it's about fifty nine in X5's during heat." _

_The hormones almost hit her in that moment, the thought of how stupid she'd been. Sleeping with Rafer, not going to _ _Logan__. She could be pregnant with his baby now, if she just hadn't been so stupid and blind. Of course they'd probably have just gotten rid of it or tried to use it as they'd wanted to use Case. _

She looked down at Will who was suddenly looking up at her with blue eyes. The baby she'd imagined and wanted so desperately in those few seconds would have only been weeks older than him.

She forced her mind to focus again, remember why she'd taken him outside. He'd eaten almost three and a half hours ago, he would be crying for a bottle soon. So she did as Logan, flipped the little button and set the crib to vibrate.

She returned with the warmed up bottle to the baby who was still quiet, "Just a baby," she repeated. She'd held dozens of babies in her time; she'd fed them, cooed to them, and rocked them. _This wasn't any different._ She tried to think about the girl who shot her, the one who'd tried to kill Logan, tried to convince herself this was no different.

It was though as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise. You only had a set number of eggs; the shots just caused more to be released. _Part of what had created him… _

She shook her head, stopped her thoughts and stepped back to put the bottle on the table. 'Come on Max,' she silently ordered herself; it wasn't as if she hadn't touched him before. Okay it was a covered foot, but still…

She leaned down and awkwardly lifted him into his arms as she saw the face that had been preceding his crying or at least his hunger/lonely crying. His diaper, yea that wasn't a pleasant cry, if any of them could be described that way.

She was once more struck by his vulnerability, his frailty, like the little kitten Syl had rescued a few months back. The baby seemed to be picking up on her nerves, the tense way she was holding him, not molding him to her body as Logan would.

She tried to bounce him a little, and repeatedly said "Shh," as she did so not wanting to wake Logan and a full out scream would probably do that even despite the fact that he was exhausted.

She nervously picked up the bottle and moved over the couch sitting with him tilted in her arms.

His sudden state of confusion being with a stranger, who didn't seem to like him very much didn't pan out too well for Max who tried to bring the bottle to his lips, but he no longer seemed interested.

"Look please, I know I'm not Logan, just bear with me for now. Otherwise he's gonna be so tired tomorrow he's gonna drop you on your head." She tried to joke with him and found out it didn't work.

She traced a finger along his cheek as she held the bottle remembering how his head had turned for Logan as he'd done that and doing so she touched his soft skin for the first time. It seemed to calm him as he turned, seeking it out and he tried to nurse from her finger, and she replaced her index finger with the bottle the baby now accepted.

She watched him for only a few seconds, saw his little mouth working hard, the lips pressed around the nipple. She held her breath and closed her eyes as she raised her head back up, she stared straight ahead, suddenly unable to look at him any longer. She couldn't escape him though, the slight weight in her arms, his slightly shifting form, the sucking noises that had filled the room, replacing its silence.

-o-o-o-

She finally laid the sleeping baby back into the crib and returned to the couch, her eyes lingered on the bassinet for a moment before turning to stare straight ahead. Suddenly thinking of Lydecker, trying to figure out his actions, a memory returned to her from months ago as she argued with Logan over trusting Lydecker with Brin.

_"453 Max," he said firmly as he turned from opening the fridge to start dinner. _

_"Okay what the hell is that supposed to mean, should I be happy he could kill one of us without a second thought? She's my sister Logan, I don't trust him." The person who was starting to emerge from the brainwashing wasn't the sister she'd left on the bench. _

_"Rachel Glasser, the Steinlitz?" _

_Her eyes widened and he realized she hadn't come to the realization it had only taken him a few hours to reach after meeting 453. "He knew who I was," she said softly. _

_He nodded. _

_"What the hell game is he playing?" _

_"I have no idea Max," he admitted honestly. _

_"Why? He hunted me and…" and he'd just talked to her as if she was an average person. Made comments about a childhood he knew damn well she'd never had. The sketch instead of the picture could be explained, don't want a trained killer to be easily recognized, anonymity was 453's best weapon. _

_"I don't know Max, I've got to say I always found it a little funny that in 11 years he'd only managed to recapture two of you and that was because they both turned themselves in and Zack…" _

_She nodded and suddenly wondered if it had been more than just a tactical risk or if he'd given Zack a chance to escape. _

_"I don't think Lydecker ever had the same plans for you guys that Manticore did." _

_"What does he want?" _

_"I have no idea Max, all I know is he's kept his word." _

_"So we just trust the psychopath blindly?" _

_"We watch him Max, but we need him, as much as I wish we didn't, we need him." _

He'd proven himself yet again, she thought as she looked over to the bassinet. She couldn't understand his actions anymore. Before it had been easy, hunter, hunted, before that soldier and Colonel. Now though…

_"The Steinlitz," she said angrily approaching him. All _ _Logan__ had said he'd ever gotten from him was the answer of curiosity. _

_"You can't have just figured that out Max," he said in that calm even voice of him. "Honestly, I was sure sending you into the lab; you would have figured it out. 453 was what 10-11 weeks ago?" _

_ "Why didn't you send a unit straight away to get me?" _

_"How do you know they weren't on their way Max? Maybe I was just talking to you to keep my eye on you." _

_"Were you?" she expected to feel relieved; she wanted to just take that as the answer, yet… _

_"Do you know Zane was adopted?" he said out of the blue, she just looked at him. "Not legally, but he made it to _ _Danforth__Texas__, got taken in by a nice family, really nice actually. The mom made a great apple pie. September 19th 2015 there was a fire at the town library, small place was once a house, climbed a tree, jumped ten feet across to smash through the window because there was someone trapped. He could have done what everyone else was doing, watching from the sidelines, waiting for help to arrive. He didn't. He knew we would come and we did. Two parents, two older sisters, a younger brother, 3 dogs, a rabbit, he even had a girlfriend. He gave it up; they said he didn't even hesitate." _

_"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" _

_"It's curious. You were created to keep this country safe." He just stopped there, didn't go on. Didn't say anything about them fulfilling their destinies, just stopped. _

_ "I saved your life," she said and was suddenly aware she sounded like a little whiney kid. _

_"I assumed you had," he nodded. _

_"No lectures about not exploiting tactical advantage over the enemy?" she goaded. _

_He turned for that, "I would, but I'm not your enemy." _

She groaned softly wishing she could banish all thought from her mind. She turned and snagged the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her hoping she could manage to get some sleep without Logan's warm presence next to her, but she didn't want to go in and risk waking him, only to risk waking him again in a few hours with the baby. She just wanted an eraser, some pill she could take to forget everything, if only for a little while.

-o-o-o-

He awoke confused, his eyes didn't bother opening fully as he struggled to realize why he was awake when he was still so obviously tired. Max wasn't next to him, that wasn't surprising, the baby wasn…His eyes shot open and darted to where the bassinet should be, where it wasn't.

He suddenly realized that through the door he could hear soft 'shhh's' and murmurs of reassurance. He looked over at the clock 4am, he'd been asleep for five hours, the longest he'd slept in days.

Max was with the baby, she was trying to comfort Will. She wasn't just tolerating his presence, she was dealing with it.

He wanted to go and check on her, but he knew he couldn't without alerting her to his presence and breaking whatever moment was going on out there.

So instead he just smiled with his head against the pillow and let sleep claim him again.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty **

He woke up with Max asleep on his chest and wondered if he'd just hallucinated her with the baby since most times she rejoined him in bed the most contact she had with him was a hand upon his arm. However, judging from the fact that he was actually rested for the first time in days he was guessing it wasn't just a dream.

He smiled looking down at her, the tumble of waves obstructing his view of her face. He tightened the hand that had found its way to her in sleep and pulled her closer, part of him wondering if he should wake her up in this rare moment of rested silence. Instead he just raised up his other hand and brushed back her hair, her head unconsciously moved upwards and she let out a soft sigh without ever waking up.

-o-o-o-

_She looked out past the green grass onto the water, the warm summer sun beating down upon her; it was a moment of peace. Peace that was of course meant to be broken. _

_"Oww," a little voice exclaimed. _

_She turned in time to see a small hand pushing into a chest, but not inflicting much damage before it turned its attention to rubbing the owwie on his arm he'd just received. _

_The two little boys were glaring at each other, dark green looking accusingly into crystal clear blue before turning for sympathy from his mother. She couldn't help but give a pouting smile at the image before her, the sandy locks and sun-kissed skin of the younger boy framing the muddy green eyes, the older boy with soft brown waves, the same sun-kissed skin whose eyes were looking away innocently, the differences in their sizes ever so slight, the age difference noticeable though in their actions, the baby and the big brother. _

_"Will," she began ordering the corners of her lips to stay down. _

_"He wouldn't share," he defended his actions and held a tighter grip on the action figure in his hand. _

_"You know you have to share," she reminded the youngest before turning back to the oldest, "you can't hit though, your brother's smaller than you." _

_She was rewarded for that statement with an indignant glare from her younger son whose hand quickly fell away from his injured arm. _

_"You are not allowed to hit either," she gently scolded her other son to put him at peace. _

_That seemed to distract him from the bruised arm, the stolen toy and being called a baby. "I'm hungry," he whined. _

_"I'll go see what's taking so long," she said standing. "Be good," she ordered with her eyes darting between the two young boys daring them to even think about not behaving. _

_She headed over towards Logan who was standing before the black public barbeque pit in light jeans and a white polo emphasizing his tan, holding a spatula just looking down at the cooking food. _

_"Hey what's taking so long," she asked sliding an arm around his waist. _

_He just smiled, "They getting cranky?" he asked as his arm went around her. _

_"You've only got a few minutes before they resort to cannibalism. The hitting just started, biting can't be far off." She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder, the heat hitting her in every direction, the sun, the barbeque and him; she was just warm all over. _

_"Mommy," she heard their cries in unison and turned, breaking away from _ _Logan__ to look back at the now vacant blanket. She turned back to him, but he was no longer standing before her. Her eyes forced her to look down and he was lying on the grass, a bullet wound perfectly centered in his forehead. _

_Her name was screamed again and it forced her gaze back up, directed towards where her sons were being carried off by soldiers. _

_ Renfro coldly smiling, "The future of Manticore, such brilliant little boys, they'll be a real addition." Her eyes traveled down to Max's feet, _ _Logan__'s body, "Shame. I did warn you though, you're poison. There's no one to blame but yourself." _

_She went to charge at Renfro, but was stopped by arms pulling her back. _

"Hey, hey come on," he murmured towards her as one arm held her tightly to him and the other pushed them up, "it's okay, just a dream."

She nodded allowing her arm to tighten around him and take in a deep breath of him, "Said it before, I'll say it again, sleep is highly overrated." She pushed herself away, "I'm gonna go shower." She was out of the room and into the bathroom before he could even react. She didn't pause to brush her teeth or pee, she just stripped off her clothes and moved under the showerhead hoping to wash away the new dream…_Funny she hadn't thought they could get worse, but they did. _

-o-o-o-

She skipped going back into the bedroom and getting dressed and instead moved into the kitchen wrapped only in a towel. The robe issue had been discussed since she more often than not wandered around the place for quite some time without bothering to get dressed. Logan was pretty sure someone in another building permanently had a telescope trained on their apartment, especially since he'd tug at the end while she wasn't paying attention or at least he thought she wasn't. The robe she'd had at her old place had been scrapped with half of her wardrobe deemed unsuitable for living with Logan by OC and Kendra.

There was no Logan waiting to comment on her attire as she entered the kitchen, his coffee mug resting on the table, signaling that he'd returned to the room to tend to the infant she'd heard crying while showering.

He returned as she was already halfway through her bowl of cereal and downing her coffee.

"I gotta head over to the girl's place before work, their toilet won't stop running," she said as he joined her at the table with his own breakfast. Sure it had been running for over a week and she'd promised to look at it over the weekend, but had 'forgotten' and pushed it to the side saying someone in Kendra's rolodex could take a look at it instead of her putting her hand in the nasty tank. She needed to get out of this place a hell of a lot more than she minded dealing with that.

He just stared in shock after a kiss was dropped down on the side of his lips fifteen minutes later and she dashed out of the apartment and wondered once again what the hell just happened.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**AN: Not a particularly interesting chapter, warning you in advance…Sorry, but thanks for reading. **

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**Chapter Twenty-One **

Max smiled pushing her bike into Jam Pony and seeing her sister seated up at one of the tables with Sketchy. Maybe her sister could provide her with some mindless time that she had tried to seek out with OC and Kendra this morning only to be confronted of questions of 'Is everything okay?' 'Are you sure everything's okay?' and 'Positive?' Not to mention Original Cindy's 'You know you can talk to me right?' as they'd ridden over to work. _Apparently she was as off to others as she felt to herself._

She couldn't shake the dream, they always seemed to linger, but this one was worse than the rest. They were never going to be free, never going to be safe, everyday he was with her Logan put himself in jeopardy. She'd never leave him though, just as he'd never leave her, things like living didn't matter quite so much when it was without the other person. Didn't make her feel any better about it though, didn't shake free the underlying feeling that she truly was poison, which her mind repeatedly told her was a lie.

She'd hoped so hard that Will being free of Manticore's grasp would stop them, it hadn't though. They were never going to stop because she'd never be free,_ someone would always be hunting her and those she loved._

"Afternoon Maxie," Sketch said with a nod as he flung a gangly leg over the chair to stand. "See ya later Sylvia," Sketch said in his normal slightly flirting manner towards her sister, which of course to the world was actually her brother's girlfriend, since Max and Krit looked a hell of a lot more alike than her and Syl, Krit was of course Christopher to the outside world. Subtle name changes in this city, they'd been Damian and Bianca in New York, Luis and Maddie in Miami, James and Susan in Boise, but since they'd accidentally run into one of Max's friends early on it made sense to just go with names similar to the 'nicknames' that had been overheard.

"Please don't tell me he was hitting on you again," Max said reversing Sketchy's position and taking his seat.

"He doesn't hit on me, he's just friendly," Syl defended.

Max made a disbelieving face.

Syl laughed, "He's really coming around to with this whole baby thing," she nodded thinking back to the conversation she'd just spent the last twenty minutes having with Max's friend, who had become hers too.

Another look, Sketch always tried to make himself seem mature to others, only she, Herbal and OC seemed to get the real him, "I'll believe it when I see it." The smells of other people's food hit her and she cursed herself for bailing out of the apartment before making lunch, "Let me grab some lunch," she said with a nod and hopped out of the seat before her sister could respond.

"You didn't bring lunch?" Syl asked once her sister had returned and settled three different types of chips down on the table and two cans of cola, she took the soda that was pushed towards her and opened it.

"Left the apartment too early this morning."

Her sister continued to look at her awaiting a further explanation.

"My guilt finally got the better of me and I fixed Kendra and OC's can."

"Oh," Syl responded with a nod and ignored the fact that leaving the apartment early for Max was uncommon. She normally lingered with Logan until the last possible moment, especially since she'd spent hours without his company and had normally thought of half a dozen things she kept wanting to wake him up to say.

"So anything special bring you by? Somehow I doubt it's the lovely environment," Max smiled hoping to get her sister off whatever train of thought that had just made her frown.

"Nah, just wanted some sister time." She shook her head, "I kept trying to leave the house yesterday and Chris kept stopping me, your brother is seriously weird."

Max paused briefly before responding, "If there's one thing I've never doubted is that my entire family is weird," she smiled as she made the joking dig at her sister.

"Haha," she rolled her eyes sarcastically, "seriously he was weird all of yesterday…he was fine when I left for work." She shook her head remembering the guy she'd come home to, "He's keeping something from me."

Max avoided pausing this time, but just barely, "Like what?"

"No idea," Syl answered plucking a chip out of one of the opened bags; Max had gotten all the basics, corn, potato and some wheatish type product. "It's why I wanted to come by, see if he and Logan were up to anything stupid."

_Krit knew,_ Max knew he knew, "Not that I know of."

Syl pouted, she'd been sure Krit and Logan were up to something, since Logan was the only person Krit was supposed to have seen yesterday. Then again Logan had been pretty much out of the stupid business since Max had come home, actually more like since he'd known there was a possibility of Max coming home.

"You find out what's wrong with her yet?" Original Cindy came upon them, startling them both, _so much for being ever alert soldiers. _

Max couldn't help but roll her eyes at having that question posed for the nine millionth time in less than five hours.

"Something's wrong with you too?" Syl tilted her head and shot her sister an accusing look, _something was definitely going on and she was the only one out of the loop._

"Something with her and Logan," OC said pulling up a chair and pulling the potato chips towards her.

"Nothing is up with me and Logan," Max defended for the millionth time.

"You're lying," OC stated matter-of-factly.

"What the hell's going on with you and Logan?" She shot a look at her sister before turning to Original Cindy, "What's going on?"

"No idea," Cindy said slowly raising a chip to her lips and intently looking at Max waiting for her to break, "She's been off since he came home."

"Well in her defense she was off while he was gone."

"Thanks," Max said sarcastically with a nod.

"Hey it's not my fault, you eat drink breathe Logan." Her sister pointed out the obvious, attached at the hip was an understatement when it came to those two. Not that it wasn't understandable that they hated being out of each other's sight, that whole death thing and whatnot.

"I'm not that bad."

"Yea you are," OC nodded, "but he's the same so don't feel so bad. So once more what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing," Max answered again with a shake of her head.

"Then why were you so weird this morning?"

"No sleep finally caught up to me this morning and I got to see Logan with his eyes wide open and a bullet hole in his forehead," she spit out to shut the two other females up, "there now do you feel better? That's the reason I was so off this morning, there are a few images and noises I can't get out of my head."

"Sorry boo," OC said suddenly looking down at the table instead of Max's pained eyes.

"So guessing that means it has nothing to do with why Chris has been acting so weird," Syl jokingly said.

Max lied with well practiced ease, "Probably not." She refused to allow her mild to dwell on wondering about her brother's reaction, what was going through his mind now. Shame she couldn't get that linger cry of Mommy out of her head. Maybe then she'd have some idea what was being said between her sister and OC as she slowly sipped her soda.


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**AN: Umm yea I lied…I procrastinate way too often. Okay this is it for at least a week, possibly longer depending on recovery time...Yea unless I put off planning and packing some more. **

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Two **

She walked in as she had the two previous days, quietly. The apartment was silent just as it had been the first day despite its occupied state. She was used to coming home to the soft taps of Logan's fingers on the keyboard or hearing his voice on the phone. _There was just silence now_. A quick look into the open entranceway of the office confirmed the fact he wasn't in there, then she frowned reaching the end of the hallway and not seeing Logan in the living room. A quick look over at the bassinet confirmed there was no infant inside of it and she realized the stroller was no longer tucked into the corner of the room, neither was the carrier.

She wondered if Logan would have just taken him without calling her. Not that it would have changed anything…But still…_He would have called right?_

She tried to put off that lingering feeling of unease in her stomach and made her way towards their room to strip out of the clothes that held the city's stench.

It wasn't a smile of relief when she saw Logan stretched out across the bed and the little body covered in lime green jammies resting upon his chest as they both slept, but neither was it a sigh of regret. _Just something as she saw he was he still there…_

A thought returned to her as she silently dropped her bag to the floor, stripped off the vest, kicked off her shoes and gingerly laid down beside them. The thought of trying to imagine Sketchy with a kid, she was pretty sure he'd have about as much luck with it as she had last night. _Logan__ though…_He seemed to be picking it up pretty quickly, then again he'd had no choice. She couldn't imagine Sketch in just over half a year behaving as Logan and he would be that baby's father.

She caught her hand only inches away from the baby's head as she'd been going to stroke the downy hair. She snatched it back and placed it along with her other hand under head as a pillow as she continued to watch them until she joined them in sleep.

-o-o-o-

The soft tappings against chest coming from the waking limbs pulled him out of his own slumber.

She awoke with him as he shifted and he realized she was home and in bed with him.

"You've napped twice in a week now," he pointed out the obvious as he dropped his head to the side to look at her, he loved her just woken look, then again he loved all of her looks. He smiled as he rubbed the baby's back hoping the kid would remain content for just a while longer.

She smiled a bit, "Yea, 6 days without a full night's sleep, naps start seeming pretty good."

His lips twitched in a satisfied smirk, "We didn't really sleep on Wednesday."

A small chuckle came from her throat, "Speak for yourself, three hours leaves me rested."

A small groan emerged from his, part as he realized they were going onto a week of abstinence, the other part was sleep was just barely below that need, despite the fact he'd gotten a full night's sleep. _Talk about unnatural… _

"I'm hungry," she softly whined, having awoken meant so had her stomach which had barely been filled all day.

"You've got two choices, pasta or pasta," he smiled.

"Don't we-"

"Steak and chicken thighs, both in the freezer, I forgot to take them out."

"You didn't fix the microwave?"

He paused wondering exactly when he was supposed to have time to do that in between his job, Eyes Only and the ever attention needy baby who was demonstrating that by once more flailing against his body no longer satisfied by only Logan's hand. He reiterated what he'd learned last week, "It's something that's going to cost just as much to replace as the microwave itself."

"Well have you called anyone about a microwave?"

"It takes time Max," he said sitting up as she continued to pout. "You didn't have hot water for half of your life and you're whining about a microwave," he smiled.

"Did you just realize now that I'm spoiled?"

He turned back to face her now seated form instead of standing, "No, I realized that the first time you woke me up hungry at 4am," he smiled.

She laughed softy and waves tumbled around her, he leaned back as she leaned forward as his hand found its way into her hair holding her to him as they kissed.

Will let out a cry, finally fed up with being ignored for so long, Logan let out a groan and Max a whimper as they stayed connected with their foreheads touching.

"Put on the water for the pasta?" he asked looking into her eyes, knowing he had to tend to the infant's needs first.

She let out a breath and nodded.

-o-o-o-

_Another day, another change in attitude from Max. _

Frankly at this point he was getting more than confused. First total hiding, then slight curiosity, to gentle helping, before wanting to get rid of him, which led to completely ignoring and looking like she was going to bolt, followed by the total turn around of pacing and cooing as she soothed the newborn, another turn around with actually bolting and now she was back to minimal interest, basically only dealing with Will because he was in the room. But now she'd moved onto total seductress Max since the baby had just fallen asleep again after a diaper change.

"You don't really have to work do you?"

Yea like he was going to mention he had a pile of back work to catch up on, an article he'd promised to have finished and to his editor by two tomorrow that was still only a series of scraps of notes. Not to mention he still hadn't gone through the disks Krit had pulled from Martavio's. Nope, definitely not mentioning any of that as Max straddled him in his desk chair only seconds after he'd sat down. He'd spent almost nine full months with this fantasy, _all those times leaning, hovering, sitting up on a nearby table…_Yup this got him every time.

"I could be persuaded not to," he replied seriously, "what exactly did you have in mind?"

"You don't look particularly rested…I think maybe it's time for you to go to bed." She paused and pretended to think about it tilting her head, "Then again you also look like you could use a bath."

"You now come to think of it, I do feel a little grimy," he nodded.

She smirked hopping off of him, he followed the trail of clothes and let a sad lingering glance fall upon the bathroom door where he could already hear the water running as he headed into the bedroom, times like this the exo was sooo not as handy as it normally was.

-o-o-o-

Never let it be said Max wasn't practical, it came from living in every different type of bad situation there was, limited access to showers, limited water supply, no hot water, she'd been through it all. So he wasn't particularly surprised as Max returned to her previous task of actually bathing once her breath had slowed. He smiled watching her head emerge from the water and flip up as she finished rinsing out the shampoo. He however wasn't as big of a fan of the tub, lingering feelings of safety, granted completely unwarranted, but still, it was one of those things he'd never even realized he'd used his legs for. He was great sitting up, but submerging himself…_Not exactly one of his favorite activities. _

The baby's cry from the adjoining room brought them straight back into their reality, the situation at hand that had kept them from this for almost a week. He groaned as he went to pull himself out of the tub, snagging the towel she'd dropped to the side in preparation once he sat.

The cry increased in intensity as Max was stepping out; she turned back to him with a frown, wondering what could have caused that change. She realized as she began to towel off that Logan wasn't exactly in any condition to go rushing out to tend to him and she seriously doubted he'd allow her to quickly dry him off, wrap the towel around his waist and position him in his chair, dry him off yes, but the last two definitely not, he didn't react well with anything that reminded him of a child.

The cry was loud though and tore straight into her and she saw Logan eyeing his chair.

"I'll go check on him," she found herself saying. The cry reminded her of her dreams, not that there had been any particular cry, just the feeling in her gut that something was wrong.

Half of her expected Manticore soldiers to be awaiting her as she stepped out of the bathroom; the apartment however was silent except for the screaming baby as she made her way through the kitchen and dining room towards the living room where the bassinet lay with Will inside.

"Hey, hey," she murmured gently dropping a hand to his chest; he paused in his screams with the new stimulus, but then returned to his loud vocalizations of unhappiness. "What's wrong?" she asked scooping him up and pulling him close. His cries once more paused, but then returned as his cheek was wetted by Max's exposed shoulder. She groaned to herself realizing that she'd just dampened his entire outfit and not just his face, though the effects to his clothing were minimal compared to his face. She wondered exactly how Logan was bathing this kid, if he reacted like this to a little water on his face, then she realized she actually had absolutely no idea how Logan was bathing him.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," she tried to soothe as she bounced a little with him, she knew he couldn't be hungry again, he'd eaten less than two hours ago and she doubted he needed a diaper change this quickly. She paced up the living room to look into the bathroom, hoping to see Logan emerging. Of course he wasn't, since she'd barely just left him.

"Wet baby," she said walking into the bathroom where Logan still wasn't back in his chair so she couldn't pass the baby off to him.

He chuckled slightly as she snagged a few more towels, which the baby didn't appreciate since it meant there was no longer a hand rubbing his back. She thanked god for Logan's snooty ultra soft towels instead of the either rough or threadbare ones she'd once owned as she undressed the baby on the couch upon one and dabbed the exposed parts of his skin dry all while trying unsuccessfully to calm him. By the time Logan finally wheeled his way into the living room, Will was wrapped up in a plush towel, pressed against another towel that Max had draped over her shoulder to keep him dry this time and was continuing to cry relentlessly.

She gave him a pitiful look and moved to drop the baby into his arms before he'd even finished entering the area completely. The baby thankfully remained dry this time since, Logan had taken the extra time to thoroughly dry off. The baby quieted almost instantly, or a least the cries lessened dramatically as they tapered off as the baby was once more in the arms of its caregiver. She didn't really know what it was that coursed through her in that second, shock? Relief?

Then the sight of Logan stripped down to only a towel without even his glasses with the incredibly small infant who was drowning in the white towel Max had wrapped around his small frame, two strong hands splayed across it. The adult's head dropped down the infant's as he further continued to reassure him…

"Oww oww," Logan said dropping a hand away from the baby to move up where the baby now had a firm grasp upon his chest hair.

Max laughed now that the crisis was finally averted and dropped down to the couch leaning forward watching as Logan tried to disengage the hand without hurting either of them.

"Yea I'm gonna pull your hair, see how good that feels," he said looking across at his laughing partner. _Not to mention it was chest hair, that hurt a hell of a lot more than hair on the top of your head. _

"You know that's a reflex, primates needed to be able to grab and hold on when an enemy attacked so the mom could flee." She didn't remember where she'd learned that information, but she suplied it anyway.

"Ugh," he said rubbing the slightly tender area, but now free area, "hey we're not in the plains of Africa anymore kid. You're safe."

And just like that the moment was broken and Max was pulled back into reality.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty Three **

She was falling, crumpling, breaking down before his very eyes. It hadn't been Manticore to do it to her, it was him. _He got that._

She'd been able to cope for twelve years by burying it. _He wouldn't let her._ Kept shoving it in her face over and over again in just a few days time. Watching her spiral, pushing her to the brink, there were a whole slew of terms to describe the rapid change in moods. How her smile had frozen and her words had been perfectly formed telling him she was going to put clothes on. Wall erected, words detached…

_'What the hell was he doing to her?' _He asked himself as he rubbed the baby's back through the towel, the towel she had wrapped him in. He'd seen something in her eyes as she'd heard him cry…The same thing he'd seen in her eyes after a nightmare…Worry, panic, fear.

There were two clear outcomes to this, Max either finally fell apart or she accepted Will, like he could swear he saw she wanted to sometimes. It was there in her eyes, just out of reach…

He knew he was doing what Krit thought was best, albeit not as fast as Krit wanted. Even Bling wouldn't have said to just hand the baby off to strangers (if that had ever even been a viable option), Bling hadn't let him run from his problems (despite his best attempts to) he certainly wouldn't let Max either.

Logan was just clinging though, clinging to what he'd once known for sure about Max, something so basic and fundamental that he seriously doubted less than three months in hell could have changed that, not that her time in hell had finished once they'd gotten her out. _He wasn't stupid, he got that. _

Just clinging and waiting to see the outcome, he had no ability to gauge any progress they were making, two steps forward, three steps back, one step forward…hold it…hold it, two steps back, three steps forward…

He groaned almost noiselessly. He'd never wanted someone so much to just tell him what to do as he did in this moment.

He realized then that Will was already fast asleep once more. He made his way back over to the bassinet, slowly, tentatively since he only had one hand and maneuvering the chair with one hand wasn't exactly the easily thing to do. Bling had forced that information into his head early on when he was pushing himself, forced him to hold a hand to his chest and showed him just how much more difficult his life could be.

The baby stirred as Logan bent over to grab a new sleeper from underneath the bassinet and wasn't particularly pleased as limbs were maneuvered to fit into the outfit. He loved Bling in the moment that followed as he'd never loved the man before as he realized the bassinet was actually at the height where he could put the baby back down even though he was in his chair. He hadn't even noticed that in bed, probably because he'd been half asleep.

Max walked back out into the room wearing short little gray and black plaid shorts and a fitted black tank, part of what she frequently referred to as 'living with Logan clothing.' The fitted, matching shorts and tanks were as close to what Original Cindy and Kendra deemed appropriate pajamas/loungewear since they couldn't get her into any slinky nighties. The fact that he'd repeatedly pointed out he could care less what Max wore was always ignored.

She was already seemingly calm once more as he moved towards her. "We should keep you in this permanent state of undress," she smiled taking in his body.

He chuckled and looked down at himself, still clad in only the white towel, sometimes it was nice to be appreciated and the last thing he was going to do was fight her on it.

"We really should take advantage of you already being undressed roaming around the apartment, normally this is my job," she continued to smile with a tilt of her head, hoping that peeping tom Logan always envisioned was getting a few nice shots of him.

An eyebrow raised, '_Again?' _it asked

"You're not getting old on me are you, Logan?" She asked going right for the belt in true Max form, knowing there was no way in hell he'd stand for that. "Maybe those wrinkles are coming back," she smirked as she leaned in to inspect the area around his eyes she'd almost permanently aged the previous summer.

He pulled down the hand that was tracing the area and pulled her in for a kiss, skipping the comeback, "Old?" he asked once he released her.

"Kisses are nice but-"

He pulled her in and caught her off balance, okay well what Max knew was meant to catch her off balance and she was pulled into his lap.

"That means you're done working for the evening right?" she asked once he finally released her.

His lips smirked, definitely a form of work he had in mind.

She laughed, "You know what I mean."

"I'm all yours," he said raising a hand up to her cheek and looking deep into her eyes.

"I love those words," she said with anticipation in her eyes.

"And I love you," he responded as he stroked her cheek once more suddenly needing to say the words, explaining why he was doing this, putting her through this.

"I love you too Logan," she said gently, wondering how the hell she got so lucky. "So you carrying me in or what?" she asked with a nod towards their room, things had definitely turned out poorly for them before on the chair.

He was about to start wheeling off when he realized the baby was still in living room, "Will," he said with a nod towards the bassinet.

"Right," she responded with a nod and moved off him.

Logan noted as he followed behind her that her gaze never once flickered downwards. _And three steps back…here they go again. _

-o-o-o-

She didn't fall asleep upon his chest, the baby awoke again before they actually dozed off and she didn't make the move back into his arms. Instead she stayed sideways facing him, her eyes centered squarely on him and never wavering down towards the crib. His mind searched for something to say as their eyes remained connected. Something to reassure her, he'd said everything though; countless times he'd said it all. Promises of he'd never leave, promises of Manticore not getting her again. Both were things he couldn't promise, he couldn't promise his safety or her own anymore than he could guarantee the safety of her siblings, which they'd proven wasn't a sure thing anymore. So he just reached out a hand and let his thumb trace her jaw and repeated the words he made sure to say to often, "I love you."

She nodded and moved in closer to him then fell asleep in his embrace.

* * *

**Yup sorry, repetitive. Kinda had to force it upon you since Logan's living through it. Drama once more though in the next chapter. Thanks for reading guys. **

**Oh and I just need to say idlehands, you've been amazing with the replies lately. I just wanted to thank you for that, you've totally kept me encouraged and energized**.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**AN: Okay I opened like seven different word documents trying to get the right tone for this chapter…So of course you know that means it was completely against me. Here it is though, I hope you enjoy. **

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**Chapter Twenty Four **

It was Friday, end of the work week.

Normally she'd hit up Crash for a few with OC and the rest of the crew and celebrate the start of two blissfully Normal-free days.

Not today though. Though why she was heading home instead of going about her normal routine was still evading her.

It wasn't as if she'd even have the sanctuary Jam Pony had been providing her with tomorrow. Then again she didn't even know if she'd need it tomorrow. _Even if it wasn't tomorrow, she knew it would be soon._

It made sense Will would take more time to be placed than someone like Maria, since Jude had taken almost a week. A kid that had to be hidden was bound to take longer.

That wasn't the reason she'd ditched out of Crash though…_No…_She'd skipped it because she was pretty sure Logan was going to lose it soon spending almost nine hours a day alone with a baby. Not that she was much help in the other fifteen hours, but at least she answered him back when he spoke.

She'd forced herself out of bed around four this morning with the baby, having been awake since the last time he'd woken up and knowing that Logan after Wednesday night was once more not in top form. She'd thought about getting up with the baby on Wednesday, she'd repeatedly tried talking herself into it, but she didn't want to leave Logan for the coldness and loneliness of the living room.

Last night Will had been calmer than the time before, maybe it was because she was ever so slightly. They had an understanding, Logan by far trumped the other person and they'd put up with the other for his sake.

She'd turned a chair around and just sat with him in her arms looking out into the night. They'd stayed that way for hours. Max only moving when he did, shifting the newborn in her arms occasionally and realizing every once in awhile she was looking down upon his restful features for longer than she'd be looking out onto the night. Her eyes would shoot up and back out she'd stare.

Turning off all thoughts of the past, present and future, especially those of the present. Refusing to think about the what ifs. Refusing to allow her mind to dwell on how different her life could have been if she'd ignored Lydecker_. Not thinking of how her life could have been normal. _

Not wondering what she would be feeling if she'd never been in Manticore and the baby in her arms had been the baby she'd dream of in all those weak moments in which she'd craved that normalcy more than anything else.

Logan, baby and a home.

She ignored thoughts of the future along with that. Past, present and future…She wanted to believe what she'd told people. She'd simply been sick for two months. She wanted it to only be the slight hiccup and not the roadblock it seemed to have become lately.

So she headed towards Foggle Towers instead of Crash, just laughed at the 'whipped' comments that had followed her down the street with a smile. She was going to Logan and not the reason Original Cindy had scrunched up her nose first thing this morning trying to place the out of place scent of baby powder causing Max to duck out earlier than normal rushing to get a package and not waiting for OC at their lockers until the scent had worn off her. _Yup, she was heading towards Logan and only Logan_.

-o-o-o-

"Hey Max," Charlie said with a nod holding open the door as Max pushed her bike into the building.

"Hey they got you down here today?" She asked with a smile, used to seeing the young man do everything but the lobby.

"Robbie's out sick," he nodded walking in.

She gave a questioning look, she knew their normal doorman it was doubtful it was anything health related.

Charlie laughed, "Hey, I don't ask questions I just follow what the boss says."

She laughed wondering if it was female or booze related,_ hell knowing Robbie probably both _that guy had some great stories.

"So congratulations on the little guy, you and Mr. Cale," he paused for a moment and corrected himself, " Logan come up with a name yet?"

He watched her face fall just the slightest bit, the smile remained only by force, "Uh…I didn't know anyone-"

Charlie was seemingly oblivious to Max's change in attitude, not realizing it wasn't just confusion he was explaining for, "Bling needed the dolly to get the boxes up there. Speaking of which, I was betting you guys would have had more stuff delivered."

She continued to smile, trained to think on her feet, after spending most of her life lying she was good at it, "He's small, doesn't really need much. Bed, bottle and diapers, he's happy."

He laughed, "Good point, damn I wish my girlfriend was like you. I'm still picking up every overtime shift I can get." _It was interesting to more than a few that Mr. Cale had ended up with someone like them, blue collar instead of blue blood_. "So what about that name?"

"Will," she said with a nod.

_Will Cale?_ Sounded just about as odd as Max Cale was going to, if they were ever going to that is, at least one of the names needed more than one syllable…Hmm…Then again maybe Max was short for something, he wondered if anyone had ever asked. He wondered who had been on the door when Max had first started coming around, she would have had to shown her id then. "Just Will? Not William?"

"Just Will for the moment," another smile.

"Will's a good strong name," he smiled, "the little guy needs it."

Max actually smiled at that, thinking of Logan joking 'what like Wilbur?'

"How early was he?"

_How much did this guy know? _She wondered with a tilt of her head before she answered, "Just a couple weeks."

"He's fine though right? I mean I haven't seen you or Mr… Logan out with him. And I know you've got a stroller," he smiled.

A shake of her head, "Yea no he's fine, don't worry. You know I should probably be getting upstairs," she gestured her head towards the elevator.

"Oh sure, new baby," his head bobbed realizing he'd been keeping the young mother away from her newborn. "Congratulations again Max."

She just smiled and nodded.

-o-o-o-

She thanked god she knew the cameras in the elevators were still out and let herself slump against the back once the doors shut. _How many people knew about Will?_

Her brother? Everyone in the building?

She'd never even asked Logan about Krit…She knew he must have stopped by for the Eyes Only stuff he'd been doing the previous week. _God she didn't want to know what was going through her brother's head… _

Then again couldn't be much worse than what was going through her own.

-o-o-o-

Logan was all smiles as she walked into the living room, his attention on the tv and the special alert of a bank heist in progress as he heard her enter the apartment, he was watching it as he paced in the living room with the baby.

"What's going on?" she asked with a nod towards the tv.

"National Trust," he explained.

"Again? What is that like the fourth time in the past six months?"

"Fifth," he corrected and gave a wry shake of his head.

"You'd think after the first dozen arrests people would come up with better ideas."

"You mean like break into penthouse apartments," he asked with a smirk.

She smiled, "Hey, I didn't get caught did I?"

"That's a matter of opinion," he shook his head.

She smirked, sure gun trained on her, security guards, being tracked down…"Well my sentence's at least better than theirs." She flicked her head towards the screen, "Somehow I doubt prison food smells as good as this." She let her nose appreciate the scents wafting through the air. "What are we having?"

"Steak, it's in a marinade of-" he stopped himself and looked at her, "you don't really care what's in it as long as it ends up in your stomach do you?"

"Hey," she smiled making her way over to the kitchen, "I can appreciate your efforts even if I can't duplicate them." She definitely took the easy way when cooking; she hadn't really managed that whole pinch or smidge thing yet, not to mention what flavors went together unless she'd been specifically told.

She hated moments like this, moments when she realized she couldn't just brush things under the rug and go about their happy, teasing lives. "So any news?" she turned focused her gaze upon Will's blue and white striped back and ignored the tell tale clench of her stomach that had been just as present walking into the seemingly vacant apartment on Wednesday.

He just remained silent, his mouth opened as if to say something but no words ever emerged.

" Logan?"

He turned to go put the baby in his crib, not wanting to put him in the middle of this.

She felt herself harden, " Logan?" she repeated herself and really didn't like where this was going.

"Max," he began, but then paused wondering exactly how he should broach this.

"You can skip the horses if that's so hard, how about just trees?" She found herself halfway making a joke to cover the fear that suddenly raced through her.

"Max even if that were an option-"

She shook her head, _no this wasn't happening,_ her mind refused to allow her to fully process it, "What the hell are you talking about Logan, why isn't it an option? He's a baby, he's a cute baby at that, placing him-"

"He'll never be safe that way," Logan stormed, shocked at the flood of emotions waiting to flood out of him, _she knew this, she had to know this, somewhere deep within her, she knew_. "They won't be able to keep him safe Max. A teacher, a neighbor, someone will mess up somewhere and Manticore will get a hold of him."

"You could…" Her mind wouldn't let her accept that, _Logan could keep him safe_, heads up, new identities, alter school records, things like that.

"I could what Max?" He shook his head, "We're not going to be able to stay here forever." He'd stopped with the risky Eyes Only reports, not that he'd stopped stopping the bad guy, hell with Krit and Syl more was being accomplished than ever, but he'd stopped reporting them to the public, Eyes Only didn't need anymore dangerous enemies after him, risking not only his life, but hers. That wasn't a guarantee though, just like it wasn't a guarantee that Manticore wouldn't come looking for Max again. They'd been quiet for now, but there was no promise of how long that would last. He might not know exactly why or when they'd have to one day leave Seattle, but he knew without a doubt that one day would come.

She knew that he'd said it to her before when she'd made a comment about Seattle being her first home, she knew it and she accepted it. _As long as she was with him she knew she'd be home._ She hadn't thought about it though as she was telling Logan that he could be kept safe. Contact between the two parties would put them both more at risk instead of keep him safer. She hadn't thought about the day his abilities came to light, he'd probably do everything months ahead of the other kids at the start, his language skills would develop rapidly, his coordination…That would just be the first year, _by the time he reached school… _

"They couldn't keep him safe Max," he repeated again as she didn't speak, driving the fact into her.

"What do you expect me to say Logan?" her head barely moved as she said this, her eyes barely held anything at all.

"He's not responsible for how he was born," he said following her lead and allowing all emotion to fall away from his voice, leaving it much softer than before.

She looked at him shocked, "You think I don't know that? Do you think I wanted him growing up in there? I'm not his mother though Logan, I can never be his mom."

That slammed into him with a force even greater than he'd imagined in his worse scenarios of how this talk would go. "So what about Zack Max?" he asked, the attitude clear in his voice, "tell me if Case had been left all alone would you have just given him to strangers?"

"That's different," she wasn't stupid, she wasn't oblivious to the change that had occurred within her, she turned and walked away wanting to escape this discussion.

"How is it so different Max?" he asked as he followed her. "You loved Case because he was your sister's son; guess what Will is Zack's."

She turned to that, cold fury in her eyes, "He's not Zack's, Zack was dead, he'd been dead for over a month. Neither of us had anything to do with how he got here."

He was aware she'd stopped using Will's name, stopped acknowledging him as a real person. "Yea, but I think we both know Zack probably wouldn't have had a problem with it," he said as he drove in the point with all the attitude of knowing another had been in love with his girlfriend. Zack probably would have died for any of his siblings, but Logan didn't doubt it was a bit easier for him to do it for Max, _he certainly knew where the guy had been coming from. _

Her mouth just opened at the low blow, Zack's feelings towards her in that way hadn't been her fault, she hadn't encouraged him, hell if she'd known he would something stupid like blow his brains out for her, she wouldn't have taken him with her that night, _accepted death. _

Logan inwardly winced at the hurt that passed over her face, "He can't be left with strangers Max, it's not safe," he repeated softly.

_What did he want from her?_ She didn't have anything left to give. They'd taken it all. If they took anything else nothing would be left of her.

"Krit and Syl will take him," he said as he viewed the face he'd seen so often in that first month.

_No_, her mind reeled as her head shook, _they were still Manticore, still hunted. _

"It's the only way Max, the best way to keep him safe."

She shook her head again, _no a family, cats, dogs, ponies, cows, green as far as the eye could see, light years away from them, from Manticore. _He'd be raised the same as her, well he'd live the same life, always on the run, looking over his shoulder, danger always just a breath away, just with parents.

"It's not ideal Max, but it's the only other solution."

Her heart twisted as if it were in a vise as she realized what he was saying and that was there was only one solution, _only one thing he'd ever had planned for Will._ Her body tensed up as her mind replayed that single word being screamed at her, 'Mom!' The sound of it even more heartbreaking than a baby's cry that she couldn't reach, so much more real, more binding, _her failing so much greater._

"Max?" he softly said as he watched her shake her head again.

She simply looked at him for a moment wondering what exactly he expected her to say, "Why are you doing this?" The real question was _why are you doing this to me? _

"I know you Max, I know one day you'd regret walking away, spend your life wondering about him like you did your mom."

"My regrets to make Logan," she said firmly.

He shook his head, "I know you, if something happened to him…You'd never forgive yourself Max."

That slammed into her, paralyzed her for a second before she shook her head softly and turned on her heel pausing only long enough to grab her keys from the table.

-o-o-o-

She rode, for hours she road, until she realized she wasn't outrunning Renfro's taunts of poison. She knew it wasn't true, she wasn't so weak that she couldn't see the truth that they were the poison and she had been as helpless in the whole thing as Will was right now.

Didn't drive away her voice though, the baby's cry, her family being ripped away from her.

That's what it came down to in the end, the thought that had been lingering in her mind for the past few days more clearly defined. _The more you had, the more you could lose._

The possibility of losing Logan was overwhelming, she couldn't imagine anything else; she couldn't imagine that complete life. She couldn't love Will and then lose him.

The cries, seeing him being carried away…

She wouldn't be able to survive that. Not that she could ever survive losing Logan…

But Logan wasn't dependant on her; she wasn't necessary for his survival, well at least not most times. Will though…

Her stomach clenched, her heart twisted.

This wasn't fair; he couldn't ask this of her.

She didn't know what she'd been thinking as she'd told him that one day they'd have kids, she couldn't do it. She couldn't open herself up to any more loss.

She was flooded with the memories of remembering thinking maybe she should just throw herself into it as she'd thought about skipping the condom in times of heat and just diving into it all. The panic was able to still find her then and stop her, telling her there was no need to prove herself at that very moment. The relief that would come with her period signaling she'd made the right choice and she wouldn't have to face it yet.

He wasn't asking her to live everyday in fear that something would happen, he was telling her she would. Telling her the best way she could keep him safe was to make herself suffer, it was his only chance at the semi-normal life she'd always craved.

She didn't bother stopping her bike, she barely even slowed as she took the corner heading home, she smiled a bit seeing the looks of 'crazy kid' from those out on the street. _Might as well head home,_ there was no where she could run away to anymore.

-o-o-o-

It was dark as she pulled her bike into the garage, dark but not late.

"Great," she muttered to herself as she pulled herself into her spot, right alongside Krit's. _Oh well at least it's only one of them. _

She tossed her glasses and keys onto the table as she walked into the apartment and allowed her most obvious fake smile to grace her face as Krit's head poked out of the small office area.

"Hey Maxie," her brother hesitantly said, seeing not only her face, but knowing what had gone down just hours earlier..

"Where's Syl?" She asked.

"Work so I decided to come by and help Logan on the-"

"Martavio thing, I remember," she nodded and moved towards the doorway, "how's it going?" she asked with another nod.

"Good," Logan nodded, "we tied him to Daniels, just a matter of time before we find a connection to Smith."

She nodded again with a smile. "So any dinner left?"

"I left it in the microwave for you," he said wondering when exactly the explosion would be coming.

Instead he got another smile, "At least it's good for something."

Krit and Logan both gave a smile at her little joke at the broken microwave, still waiting for something, anything as they'd been doing for hours.

"I'll let you guys get back to it, I'm gonna take a shower before I eat."

And that was it, she turned and left them. They stared after her for a moment before turning back to the computer screens and files in their hands. Once Krit finally heard the shower start he asked, "What the hell was that?"

"That was Max," Logan said sounding rather resigned. He never thought he'd miss the days she'd blow up at him…Then again she still did that, just never seemed to be about the important stuff anymore.

"Should I leave?" He asked looking puzzled, "You want me to take him at least for tonight?"

Logan let out a short laugh, really just a breath of air, and shook his head as he realized something, in all of Max's incredibly loud pissed off silence she hadn't said anything about Will. Not a single word about Krit taking Will.

Logan shook his head again to answer Krit; progress had just been made in her silence. "Let's just look at those phone records again."

Krit eyed Logan in disbelief as he watched his friend lift up the pages in question as he began to scan over them. He shook his head and let out a sigh, he suddenly felt really sorry for the kid.

-o-o-o-

Logan had listened to Max's movements as he and Krit continued to work. If he didn't already know she was angry with him he would have figured it out by the fact that she didn't wander in to help even though Krit had been the one to do the reconnaissance on this one. It wasn't as if she glared at him as he'd walked out to get a glass of water while she was eating dinner, then again she also didn't make eye contract with him.

She also didn't stay in the living room watching bad tv, the fact that she had dropped a kiss to his cheek and said goodnight to Krit hadn't reassured him in the slightest.

In true Max thoughtfulness the lamp by his bedside had been left on the lowest setting so he could easily change and disengage himself from the exo. He paused in the doorway viewing the book discarded on the nightstand and realized she'd actually fallen asleep and hadn't been in here stewing, at least not the entire time. He turned and headed into the bathroom to get ready to join her.

He realized as he was finally settled into the bed sometime later that she was no longer sleeping.

"Max?" he said softly as he dropped his head to the side.

Her eyes opened, her incredibly tired eyes, "Not now Logan I just wanna sleep." At this point she felt like she could sleep for a week straight and not stir.

He opened his mouth, about to put his foot down, how many times had she'd pleaded out of talking? Run away from it until finally he'd just give up and let it go? Then he saw the exhaustion in her eyes tenfold from how she'd looked so many months ago. So he just nodded and opened an arm to pull her in.

-o-o-o-

He woke up around nine to the normal sounds of their apartment on the weekends. The tv on low in the other room, Max's voice on the phone, Original Cindy or Kendra would always call when Max missed a night out to recap everything, then again they also seemed to call when she'd been there, it was one of those female mysteries he was never going to understand.

He decided to leave her in piece a little while longer went to shower instead of heading out to grab food. Not to mention any talk/fight they might have he'd rather be walking for it.

-o-o-o-

Her voice on the phone was gone by the time he finally finished exiting their room almost forty minutes later, the sound of the tv replaced by the radio with no other sounds filling the apartment. He paused once he reached the living room, leaned up against the wall as he caught her unaware; it was a rarity that he treasured. Today was no different.

She sat sideways on the couch, her feet tucked underneath her as her head rested on her crossed arms as she looked out. The crossword she'd been working on, off and on all morning discarded on the table. The only thing that made this any different than any other Saturday morning was at the end of the couch tucked in between the end table and the blue chair, the drapes shut more than normal as a concession to the baby's sensitive eyes, leaving Max only a sliver to stare out.

"Morning," he said walking in.

Her head turned slowly and she smiled.

He wished it were any other day but today. He wished this could be a normal Saturday and he could just join her on the couch and barely speak for the next few hours, just recharge from the previous week. He couldn't though, no more hiding, no more running. Answers were needed, decisions had to be made. So he lowered himself into the armchair and not the couch she was sitting in the middle of.

Her smile by this time had fallen away, her head once more resting on her arms looking out instead of at him.

"Max," he said looking over at her.

" Logan," she said his name back to him as an answer, the attitude plain for him to hear in her voice since she knew they were going to talk about it.

_So much for this going smoothly, _he thought to himself. "Max we have to talk," he said keeping his cool.

With her head still turned she spoke, her attention neither on Logan nor the baby in which she was centered smack dab in the middle of, "You were right, I was wrong. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Attitude unfurled a little within him as, the first three might have made him happy, but the rest just served to piss him off, this was the last thing he'd wanted or expected for their lives together. If there was anything he could do to make her just forget, he would, consequences be damned.

"Will stays, I got that."

_She was using his name again, that had to be progress_. Of course he didn't know that she'd only looked down at him in the passing hours that she'd had him only when it was necessary; the same went with picking him up.

"I'm not a cold-hearted bitch Logan,"

His eyes opened wider to that, drew himself out of the interpreting the scene. "I never thought you were," he said standing and moving onto the couch facing her.

Her eyes gave him the 'yea right' look as she shifted her attention to the side and him instead of outside.

He smiled and dropped his head down to the couch to be at her level and a hand went out and connected with her neck and the side of her face, "At least not about this."

She smiled softly.

His cell started to ring in their bedroom, "Ignore it," he said not moving.

"It could-" she was about to go into a list, an informant, work, family.

"Don't care, we need to talk."

A soft sigh escaped her lips on that.

His head raised up to its normal position, "So…"

She smiled and let out a small laugh at his sudden inability to find the words and the awkward moment.

He smiled and shook his head, there were a million things to discuss, what the back story would be to tell people, what they were going to do in the future, how exactly was she going to cope since only the day before she'd said she couldn't be his mother. "What the hell are we doing?" he asked with his smile still present.

"Having mutual mental breakdowns?" she jokingly smiled.

"Oh that's right," he said rather complacently. He returned her as he shook his head at her. _ This was probably as close to anything profound and life altering he was going to get from her today. _

"Guess Will needs a real name," she added as she continued to look at him, shocking him.

_He was wrong; she'd still had more in her._ "William Cale's good," he smiled slightly staying in her light theme.

The corners of her lips edged upwards at the use of his last name.

"What about Zachary for a-"

Her lips fell then the house phone rang from the coffee table cutting him off.

Logan let out a single curse, amazed at how they always managed to be interrupted, "Ignore it."

She ignored his words as her hand shot out to grab the phone before it woke the baby, she flipped off the ringer, but pressed talk as she looked down at the screen, "It's the paper," she said handing off the phone.

He frowned taking it and having no choice, but talking to the other person.

She watched Logan try to get out of whatever it was they were asking him, watched a moment of quick enthusiasm followed by regret as he turned down whatever they were asking about Senator Richardson.

"Look, now's really not the best time-" he was explaining to his editor over the phone.

"Just go," she said simply.

"Max," he began and then realized he was still on the phone, "let me call you back in a minute."

She waited until he go off and was about to open his mouth, "Go. This is what you wanted isn't it?" Suddenly she was feeling like a 50's housewife, home with the kid, but that was what he wanted wasn't it?

"Max-"

"What time did they want you?"

" 10:30," he answered

"You're gonna be late if you don't go now."

"Max,"

The guilt hit her and replaced the anger at being forced into a role she didn't want, she couldn't handle, he hadn't worked for real in over a week and a half, even his uncle wouldn't stand for that, especially when it had to do with something important, which Max knew the senator was. "Go before you're fired," she said calmly and handed him back the phone.

-o-o-o-

She saw the worry in his eyes as he looked in on her in the living room, clicker in hand as she flipped through the stations trying to find anything halfway interesting to watch, the baby still tucked to the side asleep.

"I shouldn't be too long," he said standing at the entrance to the living room dressed in a gray suit and blue tie signaling the importance of this interview.

With obvious disinterest at his words she allowed her eyes to roll over the silver travel mug in his hand, "You should probably eat something, won't look too good to the senator if your stomach starts to growl in the middle of your interview."

He sighed at that and allowed his head to fall at an angle, _nice to know they were back to where they were last night,_ he pulled two granola bars out of his pocket, the closet thing he could find to travel breakfast food. "Call-"

She looked up from the magazine once more and smiled trying to put him at ease, "Go already."

"Bye," he nodded and contained the urge to walk over and at least tuck in the infant he hadn't been apart from since those first few hours of the newborn's life.

Another smile, this one a goodbye as her attention returned to the magazine.

-o-o-o-

She fed the baby and carried him into the bedroom before she headed off to the shower. Hoping a shower would help to get rid of some of this...whatever it was…Unease, despair, misplaced anger. She was guessing though if her ride last night hadn't helped nothing would, but it didn't hurt to try.

Her mind halfway managed to successfully turn off somewhere between the shampoo and conditioner. She was in a semi relaxed state just standing under the water looking up as the cd she turned on played drowning out what was left of the thoughts in her head.

His cry shot her head down and her eyes open, that same 'something's wrong' cry he'd done while she and Logan were taking their bath. Water turned off, towel went wrapped around her and she was by his side before the chorus of the song completed.

"What's wrong?" she asked as she slipped an arm underneath him sure to catch the blanket this time to limit his contact with her wet skin.

He quieted instantly, his eyes focused upwards towards her.

She laughed softly as she sank down onto the bed with him, "Were you just lonely?" she asked in a teasing voice.

His hands flared out looking for something to grab, her finger automatically went to his hand to allow him to grab on.

"It's okay," she said to the child now once more completely happy, "you're not alone. I'm here." Her voice paused for a second, "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

**Okay that's the end. Or at least I think it is. I'd be more sure about it if I liked the chapter, even my final lines, which are kinda almost the lines I always had in mind didn't work for me. That's how I wanted to it to end though, a nice simple, almost uncomplicated moment between Max and Will while everything else is so uncomplicated. Nothing's really settled, there are nine and a half million questions left to answer and whatnot. **

**Oh well. I hope you enjoyed**** and you know I'd love it if you left a review and told me what you thought or hell even just that you read the story. :-D Thanks for reading! **


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